


Anathema II - Trust is only dangerous

by HermitLibrary_Archivist



Series: Anathema [2]
Category: Blake's 7
Genre: F/M, Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-05-26
Updated: 2008-05-26
Packaged: 2018-04-23 12:19:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4876546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HermitLibrary_Archivist/pseuds/HermitLibrary_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>by S.L. Koss</p><p>After the galactic war, Avon is suprised to find responsibilities he left behind that he must reluctatntly attend to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anathema II - Trust is only dangerous

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Judith and Aralias, the archivists: This story was originally archived at [Hermit.org Blake's 7 Library](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Hermit_Library), which was closed due to maintenance costs and lack of time. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2015. We posted announcements about the move and emailed authors as we imported, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Hermit.org Blake's 7 Library collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hermitlibrary/profile). 
> 
> This work has been backdated to 26th of May 2008, which is the last date the Hermit.org archive was updated, not the date this fic was written. In some cases, fics can be dated more precisely by searching for the zine they were originally published in on [Fanlore](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Main_Page).

Anat.ema (A-Nath' e ma) _n._ , _pl._ **aNathemas**.  **2.**  A vehement denunciation; a curse.   
  


******

Avon stared pensively out the view portals for at least the fifth time today. He was trying without success to settle his thoughts. He had given the others lists of needed repairs that would keep them busy for days if not weeks. Their indestructible Liberator would seem to be not nearly as indestructible as they had imagined. The galactic war had proved that fact all too well. Still, they were capable of flight and minimal defense. In no time at all they should have everything running properly once again. Blake and Jena's absences were not at all being felt by anyone Avon told himself. He should by all rights be, if not happy, then at least satisfied with the situation. Something undefined was bothering him, something he dared not think about too much, and he certainly dared not sleep. He was all too aware that Cally had been trying to reach over the intercom system for several hours at least. Her latest plea sounded almost desperate and Avon found himself turning toward the communicator despite himself.

"Avon, respond, please. I really think you should see this!"

Avon did not respond, but he did find himself walking briskly toward the flight deck. There were people up there and very probably useless arguing which he really did not want to expose himself to, but he was intrigued. He came up behind Cally's station silently, though it was entirely unnecessary as she was concentrating on the panel in an effort to ignore the general din on the flight deck. He watched her for a few seconds before speaking.

"What is it, Cally?"

Cally signed, not bothering to scold him for his lack of interest or response, as she knew it would do no good. "I'm getting a very faint signal, I can't get a lock on it, but it seems to be coming from the Felinian systems."

Favoring Cally with a blank look that did not in the least reflect the sinking in his stomach, Avon turned to Orac. "Orac, can you boost that signal?"

/I am currently doing all I can to get it through at the current intensity. Ionic reefs in the system are directing and redirecting signals beyond my capacity to sort through./

"Did he say beyond his capacity?" Vila queried.

"Just as well anyway." Tarrant added imperiously. "You don't want to deal with their kind. Besides, I thought Felinians did not use standard communications channels."

"They don't." Avon commented dryly, looking over Cally's shoulder and making a few adjustments. "Doesn't Zen have enough flight simulations for you to run through anyway? This does not concern you."

"I've heard of Felinians." Dayna said, joining Cally and Avon at Cally's console. "They were artificially engineered to look and hunt like cats, but they are supposedly extinct."

"Hardly." Avon returned. "Orac, what information do you have on battle damage to the Felinian systems?"

/Communications traffic would suggest several of their ships were involved in the melee. They have resorted to setting up standard communications sources. This is primarily because they have been warning ships from engaging them. An unconfirmed report some time ago was issued over general information channels which reported that Dartine was under heavy fire and had evacuated the entire population. The signal, however, is coming from Dartine, apparently being deflected off of a failing satellite in Dartine's orbit. The satellite has lost guidance and is being recaptured by Dartine's gravity well./

"Zen, lay in a course for Dartine." Avon said quietly, insistently refusing the knot in his stomach.

/Confirmed. Best speed is currently Standard by eight, time to destination approximately 6 hours./

"Fine, Zen. Keep the scanners alert for Federation traffic and stay of the way of any Felinian ships as well. Orac, keep trying to refine that signal." A single icy glare in Tarrant's direction was not enough to keep him from involving himself in something Avon did not like to have disturbed.

"What's on Dartine that we have to chase now?" Tarrant asked. Cally and Vila exchanged glances silently. Avon turned to him with typical impatience.

"I have obligations there." Avon said shortly. He felt that should put an end to the conversation only to find he had misgauged the pilot's self-preservation instincts, or perhaps it was just the annoying youthful assurance.

"I didn't think you had any of those, Avon." The pilot commented brashly.

Avon turned to him with a perfectly accommodating smile. "You're right on one point."

"The signal is strengthening, I think I can bring in the audio, there is a video signal attached, but it's weaker." Cally reported.

Silently, Avon switched the signal to Zen's main system as a weak, barely audible voice spoke through static. "Liberator, can you hear me? If you send me a locator beam I should be able to tune the frequency better. Of course, the ion interference above is not helping in the least." As Avon had feared, it was Kai's voice and though he had tried to forget it as much as possible, it triggered a variety of responses Avon was not sure he would want to give a name to.

Kai Avon had no right to exist even and it was a cruel chance of Avon's forever dark fate, with the help of the conglomerate called Novacorps and the Federation, that had allowed it. Still, he could not find it within himself to ignore the child whose life would not be if not for his own, bringing the anathema of his past squarely on the head of the four-year-old. Avon signed, opening the channel, realizing everyone was watching him and Vila was busy explaining to Tarrant and Dayna. "Are you aware that your satellite is falling out of orbit? Can you transmit without boosting through it?" Avon asked as a video signal struggled to emerge from the static they were receiving.

The video image congealed itself to show a young child, sitting atop a pile of rubble and surrounded by electronic equipment. Smoke rose in the background and lightening flashed ominously. "My instruments register a firmer fix, though I can't really rely on them, the interference in the upper atmosphere is tremendous." Kai looked up at whatever was sending his video signal and smiled. He looked decidedly singed and there were several cuts and bruises on his face. "I was beginning to think no one was out there." He said, obviously relieved and tapping his screen with irritation. "My power is limited and I thought it would be better to concentrate on trying to get a signal out while the satellite was still up there. I lost orbital boost, I tried to skip it off the atmosphere, but that didn't work, half the boosters were damaged in the attack." He looked around himself suspiciously as his dark hair whipped about in the growing winds.

Cally, at Avon's shoulder, looked at him worriedly. "Kai, are you okay? Where's your mother?" She asked.

The boy's distant eyes seemed about to give into tears, but he held them back without obvious effort. His voice was strained and quiet, afraid he would lose control. "They evacuated everyone when the attack started. All the legitimate citizens anyway. I think Giareth rather hoped I'd get blown to pieces, solve all his problems."

Cally, with a severe look at Avon, muted the communications channel and put her hands on her hips. "You can't just leave him there, Avon, he's a little boy and he's afraid and he's alone. Zen, can you get us within teleport range safely?"

Without looking enthused with the idea, but not arguing either, Avon considered his options. Certainly, the Star Commander would not care if the half human, half Felinian died on Dartine's ruined surface. Of one thing he was certain, the boy had to be returned to his mother, he certainly could not be responsible for a child at this point in is life, nor did he wish to pass his own uncertain future onto a four-year-old. Zen's report solidified his choice at this point.

/Safe teleport distance can be achieved, though atmospheric and ionic influences will make aquisition of coordinates difficult. Orbit will be achieved in five point six five hours at present speed./

If it had not made up Avon's mind, it made up Cally's. "Thanks, Zen, run course program." She keyed the communications circuit once more. "Kai, we can be there in about six hours, do you have some kind of shelter until then, it does not look safe where you are now."

"I had figured that once they hit the city, they would not strafe this area again, plus this is the highest spot, it used to be the communications complex. I think they hit the caverns because they detected the power signatures, otherwise they left the rest of the landscape untouched. I . . .didn't know what else to do you said I could contact you." The boy looked distant, wondering if it had been the best idea to waste all his resources on a call his father may very well not want to answer.

Though if he would have let himself admit it, he would much rather the child's mother be able to take care of him at this point, but he had promised the child and would always, if anything, be true to his word. "Don't worry, Kai, I'll be there. But, I do have repairs of my own to worry about, Liberator is not exactly in its best shape right now and Zen is not certain the teleport can accurately penetrate the ionic interference." Avon said defensively, studying at the same time long range scans on the atmosphere of Dartine and its highly volatile ion storms, which had apparently increased since they had last been there months ago.

Kai looked around him perceptively. "The storms come and go. The ion generators were blown up and most of the energy discharged to the atmosphere. Like a tidal effect, they are pushed back and forth across the planet by the moons. Dartine A just passed over an hour ago, though I can't see the sky through the clouds I think I know what time of day it is. Dartine B should be passing over in about 5 hours. If you stay behind it on its dark side, it will be pushing the ionic reefs in front of it, you should be able to get a lock. The fields have burned themselves out by now and I will make my way back to the coordinates I gave you before, the energy flux from the city is considerably less there." He looked at the ground for a moment, trying to keep the shaking from showing in his hands.

His eyes pleaded as he turned back to the screen, reaching out for something he needed, something Avon was not at all sure he could fill. "I wouldn't have called, I can take care of myself, but mother left without her medications. I brought out all the portables and she had made up a couple weeks supply, but it was still there, she can't be without it for long." Kai was trying without much success to keep his feelings at a tolerable level, but he was clearly near tears. He looked away purposefully, reaching behind him for the frazzled and scorched end of his tail, barely a foot long. What was left of the once thick braid was thin and the golden clasp at the end barely had anything to hold onto. Avon noticed without comment the black piano key still bound to the remaining braid. Felinians valued their tails as a symbol of their separateness. Of the several trinkets Kai had kept in it, few were left.

Dayna had come up behind Avon and peered curiously over his shoulder at the image on the screen. "He does look like you, Avon."

Without looking at her, Avon commented clinically. "The genetic selection involved required that the choice be human or Felinian. The combination of the two does not allow for mixing of attributes, though his eyes defy explanation. He has Felinian vision, but human eyes." He reached over casually to open the connection again, puzzled. "Kai, why does your mother require medication?"

Kai looked at him curiously for a moment. "I did not think I would have to tell you, I thought you knew. I did try to reach you a few months ago, you were out of range. She's pregnant, she needs the anti-rejection meds so she does not get sick from the human DNA in her system." Kai turned as a rain of sparks flew from the electronics behind him. "That's my last battery and the generator is in no better shape, I have to shut down." He stared for a moment into the screen before the signal was gone. Though Avon was not at all sure, he thought he had seen trust in the boy's frightened eyes. No doubt it was and exercise of Avon's imagination. He had given the boy no reason to trust him and did not intend to. The absolute need to trust in no one came instinctively for Avon and had for some time, it was a difficult lesson to learn, but if he needed to, he would make sure the boy learned it.

Vila folded his arms across his chest in agitation. "Does it get any worse? Now Avon's trying to repopulate the galaxy in his own image."

Avon turned a particularly acid stare in Vila's direction and said flatly. "It isn't mine, it's not possible."

Cally turned to him almost causally. She knew she would not get any information willingly from him, but she also knew his body language well, his refusal to answer would tell her what she wanted to know. "I'll believe that, Avon. Just tell me that all you did when you went down there was talk to her."

He turned the usual lack of interest to her, but to her surprise he did answer. While it did not address the question directly, he did not like to lie outright and the form of his comment told her more than the words did. "If you had bothered to study the files Orac got on Pandora." He answered flatly, while calculating a flight path and feeding it to Zen's navigational circuits. "You would have found that the doctors on the project went through various combinations of hormones and physical stimulation just to make her fertile. Quite purposefully, it does not happen naturally, but is a response to the venom in their male's claws." He looked calmly back at Cally to assess whether he had gotten his point across. "In case you hadn't noticed, I don't have claws or venom."

"Well, your half right anyway." Vila chimed from across the deck.

"I did read something about the Gentechs who created the race wanted total control over their breeding since they used selective breeding, they had to have a way to make sure they controlled and tracked all traits and how each combination turned out." Cally said, only half convinced. Avon had too obviously not denied contact with the young doctor on his six hour trip to surface in search of answers. If he would not answer directly, she had few other choices, she had to persist, though she knew it annoyed him no end, he was entirely too calm to suit her. "I can conceded that the particular genetic adaptations made to the Felinians makes it highly improbable. But, if she is pregnant, then who is the father?"

"Giareth." Avon was coldly unequivocal and not at all disposed toward staying on the subject.

"You think he went back after you left?" Cally asked.

"He never left. The cave system is intricate and expansive beyond the living quarters. Scans before we left orbit indicated an anomaly not far from the living quarters but within range for Felinian hearing." The conversation was closed and Avon did not intend on participating any longer. He headed for his cabin where there was sure to be something to take his mind off its current line of thinking. It was without doubt he told himself impossible for the child to be his, yet, not nearly as impossible as he would have liked. The boy had been holding something back and he was sure of it. He knew very well how the boy's mind worked because it worked precisely as his did and Avon knew well redirection when he heard it. He also knew that if left with no other alternatives, Kai would have no other recourse than to try and reach Novacorps. Of one thing Avon was deadly certain, they must never know of the child's existence, the conglomerate which had been his birthright would never be his sons' and he would do gladly whatever needed to be don to keep that from happening. He stopped before Zen to give it final instructions before disappearing and leaving the others to their inevitable conjecture and snickering. "Zen, bring us in behind Dartine's moon and let me know when we're in teleport range. Meanwhile, run through all data on the Felinian race for Tarrant and Dayna."

Though she would never comment on it to the others, Cally noted the particular and intense way that he clasped his hands behind his back screamed volumes at her that he would never voice. She smiled to herself as she returned to her station.

For the next few hours, Avon remained in his quarters, idly working on stray projects. Listening half-heartedly to the conversation and comments from the flight deck conveyed through his intercom. He had adapted the circuits some time ago to pick up various areas of the ship. Information was always key and though he much preferred to remain out of range of the constant chatter that went on, he needed the information.

His own thoughts took on a different tangent as Dayna expressed surprise to find the doctor, Kai's mother was younger than she was, being only 13 when the child was born. Tarrant's comment that it would be impossible for someone of Avon's age to keep up with such a woman he tried unsuccessfully to ignore. He knew he did not like the young pilot for some reason and until he proved himself, Avon was not at all sure he needed him. The cocky pilot would be surprised indeed at how many times he had made love to her, though he had spent so much time in the interim trying his best to forget her and convince himself he had not been disloyal to Anna. Conversation had all but died down by the time Zen announced they had achieved the requested orbit and that Dartine's moon indeed cut down on the ionic interference. They were safe where they were until they came within range of the teleport coordinates. Avon got up to head back just as his intercom chimed with Cally's voice calling him.

Avon seated himself confidently behind his console, reviewing the scan data being sent to it. "Vila, what's it like down there?" He asked.

"General havoc and mayhem." Vila answered, considering his screen once more. "Most of the cities have been destroyed. The ion storms have rendered nearly everything electronic useless. Temperatures due to the constant storms have dropped to just above freezing. Zen indicates a ship has landed on the surface near our coordinates."

"Zen, put up the ship, scan for life forms in the vicinity." Avon said, looking at the main screen as a small ship appeared sitting in the midst of still smoldering grasslands.

"That's a short-range atmospheric fighter. It's intact, so it did not crash." Tarrant offered authoritatively. "Burn patterns on the nearby landscape would suggest it came in for a very precise landing under power. It's pretty beat up, it's obviously seen some action recently."

Avon studied the craft critically. There were various symbols inscribed on the wings, of the craft, it appeared to be more of a glyph of some sort rather than writing. Taking into account Tarrant's assessment, he needed more information to assess the danger represented by teleporting down there. "Zen, can you identify the markings?"

/Markings on the craft are consistent with the type used by Felinians as clan designation, there is no information on which clan is signified./

"There's nothing on the communications channels." Cally reported from her station. "Who do you think they are?"

"At least it's not the Star Commander. Major clan designations are always inscribed in gold." Avon answered. "If I had to guess, it may be Tarsia, the color matches his uniform. The Felinians are very visual, they use color to signify many things, clan designation being only one. Zen, who's down there?"

/Two life forms are confirmed./

"Fine." Avon said, heading towards the weapons cabinet and strapping one on. "Vila, operate for me."

"I'll come down with you." Cally said, retrieving a weapon of her own. Tarrant followed silently, but curiously.

As Vila slid behind the teleport console, Tarrant turned to Avon. "You don't mind if I come, do you? I'd like to get a better look at that ship."

"It's your choice, so long as you remember that if you even think of touching your weapon, whoever is down there will drop you where you stand." Avon said, putting on a bracelet and bringing an extra.

"Yeah, don't go getting yourself shot, we don't have the doctor around anymore." Vila complained as he manipulated the controls.

"Vila just put us down." Avon said, testily.

They had teleported into midday, but clouds overhead made it appear darker. Avon eyed the fighter suspiciously as he raised his bracelet. "Down and safe."

"You're coming in clear, but Zen says there's another storm coming and should be there in about three hours, so don't make yourselves comfortable." Came Vila's disembodied answer.

"Hardly." Avon commented to himself. Tarrant had started off toward the ship blithely. Avon watched without comment, taking in the surroundings quickly. Cally stood beside him, clutching her surface clothes as an icy wind blew across the scarred plain. As Tarrant neared the ship and reached out to touch the nose of the bright indigo painted craft, he froze as a deep warning growl sounded from the opposite side of the ship. Tarrant remained still, looking up at the Felinian clad in black with an indigo cloak caught by the wind who crouched on the opposite wing on the craft and pointed a rifle at him.

Avon smiled to himself, wondering if he should interfere, but if the pilot opened his mouth, they would no doubt be without a pilot. "Commander Tarsia, isn't it? At the risk of trying to read Tarrant's mind, I do believe he means to determine how long you've been here and whether your engines are operational, ignore him." Avon walked casually around the nose of the ship toward Tarsia. As the wind was blowing from the other side of the craft, he could feel the heat come off the ship, accomplishing what Tarrant had attempted without touching the craft.

"It's Alterran built, isn't it?" Tarrant babbled on. "I've flown one of these before, but they have a very short range in space. There must be a mother ship or base somewhere fairly close."

Tarsia lowered his weapon, favoring Tarrant with a warning glare. He sprang lightly from the wing of the ship to stand before Avon, saluting solemnly, never letting Tarrant out of is field of vision.

Unsure whether returning the gesture would mean he was subservient to the Commander, Avon decided it was better to ignore it. "Where is Kai?" He asked simply.

Tarsia gestured toward the line of smoking rubble behind them, which was where the cave system the boy and his mother had lived in had stood. Before Avon could look away, the Commander's vibrant blue eyes locked on his. *The boy was in the tunnels when they collapsed. The she-tiger dug him out, but an earthquake brought the face of the cliffs down on her. I told him it would not serve honor to leave her for the scavengers and sent him back for the pelt, it is quite valuable. He's badly shaken over the whole thing.*

Speaking softly, while still eyeing Tarrant, he said. "The boy had intended to be here when you came, that's why I waited. I must leave. My mission was to fly over and assess the damage down here, the carrier is due to return for me. Stay within the shadow of the moon and the sensors shall not pick up your ship amidst the ion interference." He turned to depress a panel in the side of the ship, opening the cockpit. He proceeded to climb in.

Avon turned to him, stepping back as the engines began to ignite themselves. "Is there nothing you can do for him? He can't stay here, that's clear, but he is no safer with me, he belongs with his mother."

"I shall do what I can." Tarsia replied simply. "The woman belongs to him now, she will not know you or him. Her thoughts are his, her feeling his. Only if it is against her will can the First One do anything about it." He started up the final flight sequence as everyone stood well away from the ship, it rose gracefully to head for the clouds hanging low overhead.

"What do we do now, wait?" Tarrant complained.

"He knows we're here, he'll be back as soon as he finished." Avon said, settling on a rock out of the wind.

"Finished with what?" Cally asked.

"Skinning a cat." Avon said calmly.

Tarrant paced about pensively, watching carefully the surrounding smoking fields and heaped rubble. There was scarce cover in the area and he felt he could relax, besides, what threat could a 4-year-old pose? He gasped suddenly, trying not to lose his balance as something hit him from behind. The cold hardness of a knife blade rested at his throat. Avon watched, bemused.

After a warning growl, Kai hissed, shifting his position to pin Tarrant's arms behind him. "Who are you, then?" He said quietly, putting all the threat he possessed into his voice.

Tarrant was still trying to keep his feet. Though the child weight was very probably close to 50 pounds, he had his legs firmly wrapped around Tarrant's waist and he could feel the points of his claws in his arm.

Avon got up casually. "Leave him be, Kai, that's my pilot, I might just need him yet."

Kai dropped reluctantly to the ground, folding into a crouch, leveling his knife defiantly. "Doesn't look like much, his eyes are not nearly fast enough, or maybe it's his brain. Look at me." He stretched out a hand as Tarrant's gaze met his obediently. Kai held his eyes for a moment before standing up and sheathing his knife in his boot. "He has potential, learns fast and has had a fair amount of experience, but he's impulsive, but he lies well. I'd keep any eye on him if I were you. Still, he'd have to make a better pilot than a female smuggler, not much though."

Avon crossed to stand beside the boy, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Del Tarrant, Kai Avon. Why don't the two of you go back up, we'll be up shortly."

Cally nodded, raising her bracelet. Kai rubbed the tears and blood from his eyes as he turned to Avon.

"You did not think I would come?" Avon asked softly.

"Tarsia said the Liberator was in the sector. I had my doubts, but I realized you would know my only other recourse would have been Novacorps and you don't want them to know I exist. You have already gone to great lengths to erase my existence from any Federation database." Furious and long ignored tears flowed down his young face.

"Believe me, you don't want them to know about your either. Julian would be even more disappointed in you than he was in me." Avon handed him a bracelet as the wind whipped ominously.

"Maybe." Kai said noncomittally. "Just what is it he wanted from you that you could not give him?"

"Everything." Avon's eyes took on a particularly deep shade of black. It was painfully clear that conversation on the subject would not continue. "What happened down here?" He asked.

Snapping the bracelet around is all too thin wrist, Kai took an uncertain breath, taking the solidness of Avon's presence to keep him anchored. "I was out in the fields hunting when the call to evacuate came. By the time I got back to the caves, no one was there. No one was anywhere. I grabbed everything I could think of and tried to get out, but the bombing had already begun. The tunnel collapsed and I had barely enough air to last until her mother dug me out." He shut his eyes against the memories of what had happened next, wiping his face with shaking hands. Kai looked at Avon with pleading and frightened eyes.

"As long as you understand things are different up there and you will have to learn to blend in with them for a while anyway. No reading anyone without permission" Avon said sternly. "Are you sure the Star Commander has your mother?"

"Yeah." Kai grinned ironically, taking from his pocket an arrow similar to the one his mother had taken from Avon's chest months ago, fletched with crimson and gold feathers. "He left me a present just so I would know he had been there. I'd weave it into my tail if I had any of it left."

"And what would that mean?" Avon knew well that every move, every nuance of a Felinian was meant to express more than what it seemed to.

" I can not let him have her, she does not want it, I know she doesn't!"

"You have put me in a difficult place, but I shall help you find her. Beyond that, I can promise nothing."

"I understand, as long as the Auron does not try to read me. But, what if I can't go back to her? What will you do with me?" He turned to face Avon, daring him to abandon him on the spot rather than later.

Avon understood particularly well the fear and uncertainty in the boy's young eyes. He knew there has been at time when he had known exactly what Kai felt, but he could not and certainly would not dredge the memories from their safe hiding place. Though he would give them no recognition, they screamed for his attention anyway, the nightmares tonight would be particularly difficult, but he could fix that easier than he could reassure the boy in front of him. "I don't really know, Kai. I will not abandon you, it is my responsibility to make sure you're safe. I don't take that lightly and I  **don't**  break my promises." Despite the fact he had made promises to the boy's mother under less than rational circumstances, he would keep his word nonetheless. It was not much, but all he had to offer the child at present.

Kai watched him with silent, but trusting eyes. He knew better, but at this point really had no choice in the matter. His mind raged at the helplessness he felt. The helplessness grew to an irrational fear as he emerged in the teleport bay. The others stood on the stairs at the other side of the room, staring at him incomprehensibly. His ears were assaulted by a myriad of sounds and mechanical noises, almost deafening him. Determined to find the source and meaning of each sound, he backed away from the teleport and disappeared up one of the corridors.

Cally turned to Avon as he casually took off his bracelet and headed for the flight deck. "Aren't you going to go after him?"

"He'll figure things out by himself, just leave him alone." Avon said, glancing uncertainly up the corridor the child had disappeared into.

Several hours passed on the flight deck without the slightest hint of where the boy had gone off to. Avon had decided to stay in their present position behind Dartine's second moon, they were shielded from the ion storms on the planet below and as far as he could tell, the interference meant they would not be seen by any craft in the vicinity, including any wandering Federation craft. Everyone went about the seemingly endless chore of manual repairs while Tarrant finished up his training simulations. No one said a word to Avon, who was restlessly running through various files looking for what he had no idea of.

/Information./

Everyone's head snapped up at once, they had come to rely on the quiet of the past few hours. "What is it Zen?" Avon snapped.

/A ship has entered the Dartine system and is approaching on vector 23492.7. They would appear to be slowing for orbital approach./

"Put it on the screen Zen." Vila said, glad to have a break from the boring routine of repairs.

"Who are they, Zen?" Cally asked, checking the communications channel.

The image of large craft painted brightly in red and gold appeared on the main screen, as it approached on of Dartine's other moons, a small craft left the surface to join the larger ship.

/Markings would appear to indicate it is a ship used by the Felinian security forces./

"That's an Alterran heavy cruiser." Tarrant offered authoritatively. "I knew there had to be one about with a short range craft on the surface."

A shadow detached itself from the edges of the flight deck, moving toward Avon's position. "That is  **his**  ship, you must destroy it. She is better off dead than slave to him." Kai said urgently, glaring malevolently at the screen.

"Is she onboard?" Avon asked quietly. "Can you communicate with her?"

"She is there,  **he**  will not allow me, she is better off dead." Kai's dark eyes bored holes through the screen and he seemed about to cry again, fists clenched at his sides.

Avon turned to Tarrant, trying to maintain calm as he could feel terror rise in the boy. "Find out what their scan distance is and follow just beyond their range. Kai, calm down and tell me what happened after I left last time."

Frustrated because he could not pace a circle around the console, and barely a few inches taller than it was, he stood to the side of it instead, glaring at Avon. Defiance died as fear took its place and he reached up to place the gold and crimson fletched arrow on the console in front of Avon. "I went back home after about two days, she never did call for me. As soon as your ship broke orbit, Giareth destroyed the Federation ships, he was mad. He had gone back to get the satcom transmitter I fixed and he wanted to make sure I knew he was there. He marked her. She's always been terrified of him, it wasn't hard to scare her. Useless point really, but once she is marked, no other male can touch her."

"What do you mean, he marked her?" Avon asked suspiciously.

Kai moved up a step so he did not have to look up at Avon, unwilling to turn his back to the others. "Punctures, scratches, whatever made by claws never heal properly, they always leave a scar. A male will place the mark of his claws at his mate's neck so that no one else can touch her. It's also supposed to make it easier when he comes back to mate her. It was demeaning, he meant to put her in her place that's all."

"And you think that's all he did, was mark her? What did she tell you when you got back?" Avon asked quietly, watching the boy's reaction carefully.

The boy became defensive. "One does not ask, she was too upset anyway, she didn't talk to me for weeks. She was mad, she felt  **used**." He watched Avon just as intently, raising his hand, palm outward, seeking his eyes, which Avon quite purposefully kept from him. He growled softly, dropping his hand silently but determinedly to the hilt of the knife in his boot. "They are  **not his**!"

"They?" Cally queried from across the room.

"Twins, girls are always twins, the Gentechs set it up that way. They wanted primarily male offspring, this way there's a 50 percent chance one of the twins will be male." Kai said, grip tightening on his knife warniningly. "They're both girls and they're **both**  human." He glared icily at Avon.

"Leave it." Avon said, indicating the knife. "It defies logic, Kai."

"Yours, maybe, they're my sisters."

Avon turned patronizingly to the boy, ignoring the very possibility he left it for later consideration. "If you're right, what does the Star Commander want with them? If they're human, they will quite obviously not be his."

Kai shook his head in frustration. "You don't understand. He won't care what they look like, they're girls and they'll die within a year, mother will be pregnant again before they're weaned, if they ever get born in the first place. Once he has a claim to a female, he needs the birth of a child to seal his claim. No one can, no one will ever separate them then."

"Which would be why he needed you out of the way." Avon said knowingly.

Kai smiled wickedly. "Bad enough having a girl for your firstborn, but if someone starts to question their parentage, he'll never live it down. Above all, the honor of Giarnetha must never be questioned. The people will never stand for it, they can't. The entire society depends upon the one who assumes the title of Star Commander being above all recrimination. Only the Giarnetha can order the thoughts of others, they must be trusted with that power."

"Power of that magnitude begs to be misused." Avon commented thoughtfully. "They must have something in place to offset the danger involved."

"Ranyanetha is the only clan capable of challenging the might of

the Giarnetha. That is why my grandfather did not wish him to be paired to my mother. He sent her away before she was of age and her twin brother was bound to a Giarnethan female, but that was not meant to be either. Though no one will say it, it is believed that it was the Giarnetha that killed Rancala and his mate. At any rate, there is no one left to question. Giareth killed all of them including members of the Counsel who had a part in it. The one bonded to Rancala was his twin sister. Giarnetha  **must**  have a male heir, that is why the Counsel backed him in exiling my mother, they would rather have the Giarnethan than me." Kai tried without success to hide the pain in his eyes.

Avon reached down to put a hand on the boy's shoulder, only to find him trembling furiously. "Everyone has a weak spot, Kai. We need only find it and exploit it. The war must have put him off balance."

"Zen, answer all-stop. Fire stabilizers and lay in an evasive course for stand-by." Everyone turned as the young pilot spoke hurriedly but calmly, throwing various switches and staring incredulously at the screen before him.

Vila quickly checked the information in front of him, adding. "We're coming up on them fast, we'll be on top of them in less than 30 seconds."

Kai stood up quickly, eyeing the scan data on Avon's console. "Don't fire the thrusters, steer a quarter point off the trajectory and let it come to a stop on it's own. Act aggressively and they'll fire instantly."

"Do it." Avon said quietly.

"Are you crazy?" Tarrant exploded. "We'll be right under them." Nevertheless, he made the suggested adjustments.

"The first thing he'll do." Kai explained calmly. "Will be to launch his short range fighters. Leave your flank open and he can't box you in. The cruiser is built for stationary launch. He needs the attack fighters to disable, then the cruiser finishes them off."

Avon strolled over to where Orac sat humming busily to himself and calmly pressed the key in place. "Orac, I need you to scan their systems, I need to know what they're doing before they do it. Get control of anything you can." He turned to the others reasonably. "Right now, we have full maneuvering capability, but our weapons systems are still on the mend. If we can get out of this without a fight, we'll be better off. Cally, open communications."

"Already coming through. There's a general warning to ships in the area. I have what appear to be the Giardasta coming through. I am putting it to the main screen." Cally answered, glancing up as a video image of the Felinian ship's flight deck materialized on the screen. Central to a rather busy appearing bridge, the Star Commander sat casually. The crimson silk lining his cloak was thrown over his shoulder impressively. His golden eyes were mirrored by the myriad of gold bands encrusted with precious stones which lined his tail hanging casually over his shoulders. He held an elaborately braided whip which he tapped arrogantly on the console before him. One black-booted foot rested carelessly on the console and as he addressed the crew of Liberator with obvious disdain, a cold chill like a hand spread across the flight deck.

"Liberator, obviously you did not understand the general warning advising all non-Felinian craft to leave the sector immediately or be destroyed. You have quite plainly received damage. I can feed a navigational plot to your computers if you would like." His tone changed just slightly and ominously as he went on, the barest hint of a growl in his voice. "Take the bastard out of my systems quietly and I'll leave you intact, otherwise, I have more than enough power left to blast you into the next sector. Not to mention the fact I can very easily report your position to the Federation."

Avon settled back behind his console once more, noting to his satisfaction, if the commander needed to threaten, he was no where near as capable as he wanted to appear. At the foot of the seat he occupied, however, familiar golden red curls caught his eye as well as Kai's as he began to growl as she turned, clad entirely in scarlet to glance at the screen benignly.

"Ama." Kai whispered, reaching toward the screen as if he could bridge the distance. "Screen off." Avon muttered, reaching for the child as he launched himself toward the screen, screaming. "AMA!"

Avon picked up the suddenly tiny child, at once frighted and furious. He spoke quickly and rationally to him as the forbidden tears ran unchecked down his face. He could identify particularly well with the helpless hopelessness the child felt and he hoped the child could sense that. "Let him think he has the upper hand, he does until we can figure out how to get to him. He's holding all the cards right now. Don't play his game, Kai. I'm not here to do his dirty work for him. We'll find a way, he'll betray himself with that arrogance, let him, it's the only way we'll find his weakness." He held tightly the child's head as he sobbed against his shoulder, Avon whispered reasonably to him as he could feel the boy trying mightily to get hold of his emotions. "She's alive and she's healthy, hold onto that." Kai's fury lessened just slightly and he turned more calmly to the screen once more as Avon nodded toward Cally, who brought the image back to the main screen.

Giareth reached beside him unassumingly. He took Alarayna's hand and raised her to her feet. "Do you see the screen, woman?" He said quite, watching her face intently as she turned toward it.

She got to her feet tentatively, keeping a hand on the console to steady her. She peered curiously at the screen Giareth indicated. A rather large ruby sat on her forehead between her eyebrows and her deep green eyes were troubled and confused. Clad entirely in crimson and gold, her protruding abdomen showed quite plainly the stage of her pregnancy and she laid a hand gently to her belly as she spoke hesitantly. "The small ones stir, who are they, Lord Commander?"

Giareth smiled ferally. "Galactic flotsam, pretty one. Wanted by the Federation I'm afraid. Luckily they are out of my jurisdiction. I do not believe they will harm us if we let them pass through." He reached out to possessively stroke her vibrant curls. "Isn't that right, THIEF?" His golden eyes gloated triumphantly and he dared Avon to question his authority.

Kai turned with every bit of calm he could muster and looked at the screen. Avon looked uselessly for recognition in her green eyes. "Rayna?" He said softly as a vague glimpse of something Avon knew crossed before her eyes to be replaced by fear and then pain. The Commander's voice thundered in Avon's head then. *She could remember if she chose. Do not doubt, human. I can open her mind to every foul thing that lurks in your mind in less time than she can blink. The choice is yours entirely human.*

Avon looked purposefully and with effort away from Giareth, keeping a firm hand on the boy's shoulder. "Orac, facilitate the download of navigational coordinates to the main computers." Unnecessary certainly, as Zen could easily handle such information, but Avon knew if invited Orac could get more information from the alien computers. "Hush." He warned the boy as his growling intensified.

Alarayna's eyes became distant once more as she returned to sitting at the Commander's feet, bewilderment in her eyes, which dwelt almost longingly or perhaps apologetically on Kai's. The Star Commander's smile broadened as she turned questioningly to him. "Odd child, Commander, why do I feel I have seen him before?"

Giareth growled uncomfortable, he turned to one of his officers. "Major, take the woman to my quarters so that she may rest." He sat back satisfied as she got up slowly, followed by the indicated officer, looking back only briefly at the image on the screen.

Avon sighed differentially. "You might at least allow her to have her medications."

Giareth found that exceedingly humerus. "It would only serve to prolong her discomfort." He said calculatingly.

Kai hissed, twisting in Avon's arms to face the screen. "If she loses the babies, she will die!" He insisted to Giareth's image on the screen.

The Felinian's on Giareth's flight deck turned in unison as he cracked the whip he held sternly. "Understand one thing, boy. If is not the question, but when. Her heart beats because I want it to and it will continue as long as I tell it to! Nature shall take care of the unfortunate circumstance she finds herself in. I see no reason to cause her any more trauma than is necessary. By the time she has given me three or four sons, she will have forgotten all this unpleasantness and she will be much better off." Avon wondered practically if the Commander was not right in his assessment. Seen without the choices she had made while obtaining her education from the Federation, she had a place in Felinian society, well cared for and secure. On the other hand, with the choices she had made, she became an outcast with an alien child her society was unwilling to accept, the anathema which ruined her life. The boy sensed his thoughts and pulled angrily from him, growling. With a glance at Orac before turning to the screen once more, Avon considered carefully. He ignored as he knew he must the fury in the child before him, it had its own course that must be run and there was nothing he could do about that, there was no solace for the boy and Avon would offer him none. The Commander, on the other hand, remained smug an arrogant in his perceived victory and Avon felt he needed to test the limits a bit.

Placing every bit of calm and diffidence in his voice, Avon raised his dark eyes. "Your course plot is received and is being implemented. Best estimate suggests we shall cross your territorial borders in 36 hours. As long as you don't mind sharing your woman, I have no problem with it. I'm sure your crew does not have problem with it either. I understand sharing such things with your crew creates a much stronger command structure."

Kai's growling was by far overwhelmed by Giareth's and the repeated crack of his whip as his crew turned to him incredulously.

"I can still report your position to the Federation, have a care I do not, thief. Your arrogance, while appreciated, can have no bearing on my position and I will not allow it. You will not be happy with what I shall do to you if you are not beyond my borders in 36 hours, just remember that."

Not to miss a beat, Avon smiled in return. "I doubt very much you will be happy with the chase I shall lead the Federation on through your populated systems should their attention turn my way. Liberator out." The main screen went black and the silence on the flight deck became palpable. Kai turned furiously to Avon.

"You  **can't**  let him kill my sisters!" Stubbornly, Kai sought the black windows to Avon's soul. *Believe what you want, you are just as responsible for them as you are for me!* Finding little in Avon to settle his mood in the least, Kai gave in abstinently to tears he could no longer deny, allowing Avon to hold him as the helplessness spread and overtook his thoughts completely. This, Avon understood, this he had already endured and knew nothing could bar it or help it. He let the child cry furious tears, clinging to him hopelessly.

Avon quietly and stolidly reviewed the information Orac had gleaned from the alien ship, ignoring the others and blocking out with enormous effort the emotion the child was helpless slave to and the echoes which reverberated from his own memories. Cally had offered to give the child soma to help him calm down and maybe get some sleep, but Avon had told her no, the child had to work out and through the storm he found himself in.

Distantly, Avon wondered if he had ever worked out for himself the pain and shock of his mother's death. So many years had passed, so much had happened. But, had he gotten over it? Alarayna had boldly and defiantly told him he had not, that he ran still from the very echoes of it. He had never told anyone how he had felt, keeping the feelings frozen in time, forever untouched and maybe in that way, unfelt. Alarayna had known better, had managed to coax from him vaguely remembered echoes which still stung in their voicing. Everything about him, about her, made it impossible for him to feel anything for her and he knew it. The gap between their ages was unspeakably large, she should be a child to him though her people considered her a woman and she had been one in his arms. Though he had never been so close to Anna, he could not betray her, would not let the alien woman and her child to take that from him. Could he really pass to her the curse that was his life? Had he already? The only person in his life who had looked at him and saw everything that he was, even the once burned and all the scars she had accepted and understood, not condemned. Could he, then, condemn her to a life as the possession of the monster that she hated with every fiber? Giareth stood in defiant opposite to everything she was. She was a doctor and cared for others, wanted to help, to ease their pain; in contrast he destroyed all those who would challenge his position, taking life as if no one but he deserved to enjoy it. The extent to which he was alike to what Avon had forced his life to become was glaringly obvious, yet she saw something in him that was different, or did she lie to herself nearly as well as Avon lied to himself? Regardless, to be true to himself, to truly honor Anna's memory, he had to know.

The night watch had passed uneventfully. Eventually the child's furious rage had ebbed and he had fallen asleep, though his dreams were no kinder to him. As the work shift began and the other members of the filed quietly onto the flight deck, Avon remained motionless, unwilling to disturb the boy's fitful sleep. Sometime in the night hours, alone on the flight deck, Avon had given in briefly to his own long-buried emotions and added a few tears of his own to the boy's. It had been a brief moment and it was not without effort that he had put an end to it, fiercely swearing to himself he would not give in to it again despite the boy's plight.

/Information. A Felinian ship has entered scan distance and is on course to intercept./

Avon glanced at the boy who was still draped over him, he was awake at present and staring off into nothingness over Avon's shoulder.

"It's Commander Tarsia." Cally reported calmly. "Requesting permission for hard dock."

The boy climbed down quietly, standing behind Avon and watching avidly the screens before him. "Zen, what is our current status for hard dock?" Avon asked quickly, while checking several of the readings on his monitor. An image which he fed to the main screen as well formed of the incoming ship.

/All docking facilities are fully functional. Full pressurization can be achieved on your order./

"Pressurize all passageways for full port docking. Tarrant, slow us down a bit, stay on the thrusters to compensate for the added mass." Rather than the more standardized method of achieving passage between ships in space, that where two ships matched their courses and a flexible docking tube was stretched between, a hard dock required both ships come together physically, allowing passage between ships through their docking facilities.

Kai watched the screen curiously, noting it's markings. "That's the Celestia, the imperial conveyance, the First One is onboard. I doubt Tarsia has the Star Commander's permission to be this far from Prime."

"Are they armed?" Avon asked, turning to Vila.

"To the teeth, Avon. I don't know about this. They've got ion cannons, missile launchers, the whole lot. I wouldn't want to take them on."

"You can't trust  **them**!" Tarrant burst out. "Felinians don't deal with humans, humans don't deal with them, there's a reason for that. I've heard stories that would make your blood curdle. There's not a pirate in the galaxy that would want to be caught dead in their space."

Avon looked dubiously at Kai as the ship approached.

Kai glared at Tarrant openly. "Bristle first, then warn, then destroy, it is their way, if they don't warn you off, they do not intend to fire on you, there is no honor in it. Tarsia is acting on the First One's orders, not the Star Commander's or he would not be here. Believe me, the First One never even leaves Prime and certainly not without Giareth's approval and personal protection, he is taking a chance, that ship cannot hold out a sustained attack."

Avon frowned dubiously. He wanted the responsibility for the child's safety in hands other than his for certain, but he did not want to risk the Liberator on such tenuous terms as the trust of a child. "Do you trust him?"

"You have to always judge by their actions and not their words. Right now, he is in just as much peril from you as you are from him. Trust works both ways, they do not extend it if they do not expect it."

The point had quickly become moot, as Avon considered the words of the boy, he could feel the distinct thud as the two ships came together. As Kai scrambled back into his arms, Avon silently depressed the inner hatch release and waited uncertainly as the boy watched from the safety of his shoulder. Avon turned to watch the entry way at the rear of the flight deck, hoping Tarrant would not make scene he would come to regret.

Tarsia descended the stairs with the silent grace Avon had come to associate with these people, that and the awesome threat they carried along with it. Tarsia held a rifle which he swept around the deck, looking into the eyes of each of the crew, fixing on Avon's as he stood before him, laying his weapon on the console in front of Avon and demanding silently of him. *Where are your weapons?* His glance followed Avon's to the full weapons cabinet across the flight deck. Tarsia looked at Kai compassionately, his face still red and his eyes swollen from a night of crying. "What has happened, child?"

Despite a concerted effort on the boy's part, his eyes welled once more, his voice strained. "She does not know me, she does not remember."

Tarsia grabbed his weapon once more as a second figure appeared at the top of the stairs. The brilliant white of his tunic and trousers was only offset by gold braiding at the neck and wrists. His cloak was lined with a snowy white fur, the symbol of his clan emblazoned in gold on the back. Band upon band of gold littered with gems lined his tail which was slung over his shoulders. His hair was tawny gold, cut quite short, making the triangular black lined ears atop his head stand out more. He emitted authority and awe, though not in the confrontational way that the Star Commander did, his emerald eyes remained fixed on Tarsia's as he entered.

A woman with shoulder-length red curls followed him like a shadow. She was dressed on an emerald gown lined with the same gold braiding. A large faceted emerald sat on her forehead. She reached immediately toward Kai, who allowed himself reluctantly to be pried from Avon's arms.

Tarsia folded instantly to his knees. "That is quite unnecessary, Commander. These people are not my own, they do not have to observe formality, neither do you. Their ways are different, if we wish to impose our presence on them, we should observe their customs and not our own. My name is Ranyae, you are Kerr Avon? The one who is my mate is called Alacara."

"The woman should have stayed on the shuttle, Majesty." Tarsia said as he got up.

With Kai safely in her arms, Alacara went over to the flight couches and sat down, stroking his head soothingly and growling pointedly at Tarsia. "He is way too young to be apart from his mother." She said, looking at him critically. "Do not be afraid, child, no one will hurt you and your grandfather shall put back what is amiss. The Star Commander has gone beyond his rights and he will know that."

Ranyae nodded, touching the boy's cheek lightly. "He still relies on her thoughts for stability, yet he is strong. The link is completely severed. Why would he dare such a thing, Commander?"

"She would never have left the planet without the child otherwise, sire. I do believe it has always been his plan to erase those memories from her, but over time, he will require a great deal of concentration to maintain it for long."

Ranyae nodded. One hand he held before him, palm outward and his eyes became distant for a moment. After a moment, he shook his head briefly. "I cannot be done from this distance, I shall require contact. Besides, I do not get the feeling she is going to be happy with him when the blocks come down. She'll more than likely kill him and I do need him at this point, Giarnethan to the core he may be, but he is a good Commander, the major clans should be in uproar if I have to replace him with you, Tarsia."

"I have no such ambitions, sire, or I would have killed him already."

Ranyae smiled. "That is why you would be more capable in his position. Am I correct that you are currently undertaking repairs?" He asked, turning to Avon once more.

Avon nodded. "Most of the systems have finished their self-repair cycle, but a few are still running, it does not affect the flight status of the ship."

"Nevertheless, I would imagine such an undertaking requires a great deal of energy, most of which you are expending in flight maintenance, correct? I assure you, I am most grateful to you for taking my grandson out of immediate danger. May I offer the use of my planet's orbital station for you to complete your repairs more quickly? Prime is within the heart of our territories and is eminently safe, especially from the Federation."

The journey to the heart of Felinian territories, the planet they called simply Felinas Prime would take less than two days. They fully expected to be contacted by the Star Commander himself before they got there, but the Celestia remained in formation in front of Liberator, in effect shielding and protecting the larger ship from challenge. In addition, Ranyae stayed onboard knowing Giareth would not fire on the while he was on it. Kai spent most of the time getting to know the grandparents whom he had never seen and had never hoped to. In turn, both seemed both impressed and surprised by the child and well-pleased by his intelligence.

Avon sat nine hours into their flight to Prime in his quarters alone, the others were sleeping. He stared blankly at the projects on his desk. By all rights he should be happy with the outcome. The appearance of the child's family meant he could pass responsibility to them without any further disruption to his own life. The crew had been less than enthused with the idea of heading deeper into Felinian space. The argument was simple as far as he was concerned, the others had to accept it, there was no choice and he gave them none. Tarrant's arguments were easily quieted when Avon offered to leave him on the planet of his choice any time he wanted. Cally and Vila knew better than to argue with him at this point, they knew that anything even remotely emotional was potentially volatile where Avon was concerned and they were confident that he had made certain every system on the ship was his to control and ultimately, whether they considered him their leader or not, he was in charge and probably had been even when Blake had been onboard. Dayna for her part, was too eager to have someone to fill, if only temporarily, the space left by her father. The arguments had died their premature death as Avon had known they would, though he remained unsettled with the situation as it stood.

The unfinished projects in front of him refused to make sense to him, refused to settle his thoughts. The image of the young doctor and her denial of the recognition he had seen plainly in her eyes continued to plague him. It had begun to bother him more than the lost thoughts of his Anna did and that could not be tolerated. He had told himself with absolute and mathematical certainty that she meant nothing to him. He had told her that quite bluntly and though pain registered in her eyes, comprehension did as well. It was the comprehension that bothered him more than anything else. Though in his most secret of places he told himself that he had loved Anna and that she had loved him, he had never revealed anything of himself to her. Alarayna had managed without effort to see into the very core of his being and despite his conviction that it was vile in the utmost, she had not turned away from it, she had smiled in the same way she smiled at Kai when he thought he knew everything there was to know and had the world under his command. Anna had never known or would even have guessed that when born he had been granted the crown of one of the galaxy's most prestigious conglomerates, the helm of Novacorp whose long fingers stretched into nearly every mode of commerce that went on in the Federated worlds and even beyond. Anna had known nothing about that, in fact, since he had changed his name from Nova to Avon, no one had ever questioned the surreptitious nature of his life thereon, or so he had always assumed. Julian Nova's smile had contained the same condescension when Kerr Avon had agreed to work as a consultant to the computer systems analyst for Novacorp. He had in fact designed and wrote every one of their security programs, the talent which had enabled him to turn the anathema loose to ruin and bring shame to Julian Nova's legacy, to spit in his face.

It was that same talent the Avon had used with the help of Novacorps' top clearance levels to gain the access he needed to gain his freedom from the corporations grip, to declare with precision his disdain for the power and wealth that lay just within his grasp. To wad it up and throw it out and to be what he was and what he wanted, only to drive his own future, his own destiny, something he had not yet achieved..

He had managed for quite some time to ignore the door chime, but were Vila was concerned, such things meant nothing. He stood aside accommodatively as the door slid open and the boy went in to sit on the unused bed. Vila stuck his head in daringly. "We all know you don't sleep in here, really, Avon. There's no use making the kid sit out in the hall all night."

The door slid closed once more, Avon glanced sidelong at the boy who sat on his bed, arms crossed over his chest imperiously. The steel of the boy's eyes softened somewhat as he looked dubiously at Avon. "Do you always have nightmares when you sleep?"

"To some extent." Avon answered blandly. He was tired and he did not want to get into things that would only make it worse when sleep finally won.

"You must not sleep much then." The boy commented lightly.

"Why do you say that?"

"I hear it when you dream and I don't hear much especially lately."

Kai wanted to understand the enigma before him, but at the same time feared the harsh barriers that kept him from that understanding. Knowing the barriers would not come down without a fight, without being forced down, Kai decided the situation needed a push. "What you do not understand, is that even though you hurt her, she still loves you and you want to hate her for it, but you can't. It's simple really, you just don't want to see it. You made love to her because you wanted to know that you could forget Anna and that she was gone from you. But it didn't work because you realized you had never loved Anna in the first place, she was just an exercise of lust that was convenient for you. That is why you felt so guilty when she died to protect you, she really loved you and you used her." Treading dangerous water indeed, but getting what he wanted, an emotional reaction of any kind, Kai went on. "You had to convince mother that she was nothing but convenience to you, that she owed it to you after all and you held nothing for her but contempt. Your only choice would have been to admit that she could not only replace Anna, but she could be for real what you had tried to make Anna be."

Avon rubbed irritated at the tension behind his temples. "Nice speech, I thought your people did not like to waste words."

"The Felinians do not, but I'm not quite Felinian am I? At least that is what Giareth spends so much time reminding me of. And, of course, I'm not quite human either. Is that what bothers you?"

Avon got up and sat on the bed beside the boy. He tried without much success to understand what it could be like to know everything that he knew, all the memories, all the experiences and yet be four years old. To be a telepath no one would communicate with was something he could never understand. In an odd way, he did not understand what the child wanted, but at the same time knew exactly. At any rate, he could do nothing to change the situation, the boy needed to learn the futility of that. "It really doesn't matter, Kai. No matter what I feel or you feel, particularly what others feel, it does nothing to change things. You had might as well embrace the pain and forget about love, make it not exist, it will never do anything but destroy you."

Kai looked at him seriously, considering. He could see though Avon in ways Avon did not like at all. In the back of Avon's mind a voice spoke and though he refused to acknowledge it, it never stopped speaking, it echoed forever through his mind. 'I can't leave him, Kerr. No matter what he does. I love him.' His mother had told him that one morning which followed a particularly thorough beating by Julian. Love had become that morning a concept which was twisted and warped by the fact she could say such a thing and mean it as she did not leave him. His only choice became to stay as far from the very concept as he could. He made sure in everything he did that others understood what the penalties would be for getting too close, he was in every fiber anathema and it could never be any other way. His entire life had taught him, and never gently, that torment and pain were indelibly tied with love and would never be any other way. Kai understood in that moment that Avon was right in saying there was nothing he could do about it, there wasn't. For him to love was to spill the curse that was his life onto another. Anna had proved that to him and he would never do it to another again, no matter the cost. Kai turned empty eyes to empty eyes, holding back tears, he said quietly. "I understand, but she does not."

"She will."

"I do not believe you would hurt her that much."

"You will."

Kai disliked this game, this game Avon was so good at, but Kai knew what dwelt at the real heart of a hunter, it was the missing piece that his mother failed to see in Avon, but which Giareth wore like a trophy, like he wore her. He was far too young yet, but he knew that Giareth had to die, that the subtle but present difference between how he had used his mother and how Avon had, while not much was enough for Kai. He looked up innocently at Avon and whispered. "Sleep."

Avon woke feeling more rested than he had in a long time. As he opened his eyes cautiously, he could see the boy sitting cross-legged on the floor beside his bed, calmly chewing on what looked like dried meat speared neatly on one of his knives. Kai considered him obliquely. "They're looking for you on the flight deck." He said softly.

"It didn't occur to you to wake me?" Avon said testily.

"You needed your sleep and they're just restless having my grandparents onboard. Tarrant's lucky he has kept his thoughts to himself and that the Tarsinetha prefer to serve, Tarsia will act only on orders."

Avon got up, shedding his clothes in favor a change. He tried without complete success to keep his mind from the uncomfortable feeling he got from the boy's eerily resemblance of him. Avon did not believe there were any existing records of him as a child, his father did not care for such things. There was only one remembrance Avon carried and it was not of himself. He did not like that feeling that he was responsible for the child. He had had no choice in his conception and felt very cheated in that. He had allowed himself to get entirely too close the boy's mother. She was a bright and intelligent young woman, belying totally her age, she had earned for herself several high level medical degrees in the scant five years she had spent among humans while she gained the education her own people would not have bestowed on her and which she had unwillingly accepted the price the Federation had attached to it. She had accepted exile from a privileged life or her own to keep the child from the Federation's desire to experiment on him, which would surely have lead to his death. Though he had escaped death, his existence among her own people was less than it should have been for the highly intelligent child of four with access to memories Avon had spent more than 30 years acquiring. Avon could not deny that the child carried his DNA and with it the curse he had placed on his own existence and the punishment for the mistakes he had made and never been truly punished by the authorities. Kai, with his name and his DNA, if discovered by the Federation and certainly by Servalan, would be granted the exile and death the could not carry out on the boy's father, so far. It had been easier to think of the child as a Federation and Novacorp encouraged experiment when he had thought the child was conceived by artificial means. On learning that, Avon could not help feel he owed the child something he doubted he could make good on.

Pausing at the door before he left, he turned to the boy once more. He was acutely aware the child had followed his every move and did not know how to respond to him. His own father had not provided and example of what a father should be, not a good one anyway. Avon had quite often and fervently wished he had never known him.

"Did you ever like your father?" Kai asked innocently, his dark eyes brooding.

"Difficult to say as he was never there, but it would more accurate to say he never liked me." Avon said with a sigh. "I used to tell myself it was because of my brother Kyl or mother. I thought there had to be something wrong with me, he not only never laid a hand on me, I rarely ever saw him. It's not you, Kai. The therapists spent extensive time telling me that it runs in families. I have always thought it best I never have children of my own."

Kai looked back at him calmly. "It's a learned trait, not a genetic one. I do not think you are anything like him anyway, or it would not bother you."

"I've already hurt your mother." Avon stared blankly at the door panel. "Though I can't say I enjoyed it, it had to be done."

"You'd rather she hate you, you'd rather I hate you. She see's through you and you hate it." Kai's cold eyes were determined and angry.

"The one she thinks she sees in me died a long time ago, I should know, I killed him. Of one thing you can be sure, boy. If you let emotion color what you see, you  **will**  not only be wrong, you will be dead." Avon answered harshly. The boy needed to understand he could not afford to form any sort of bond with him, he would not allow it.

"Still, it might mean you can break the blocks Giareth has set in her mind." Kai got up to follow Avon. "Grandfather cannot break them without hurting her, if you can get through to her, she can break them down herself."

"You must realize, she may very well be better off the way she is, despite what that means for you."

"It's not what she wants. She's not like you, she doesn't turn her back on things that are uncomfortable. She went through too much to want to be nothing but an extension of Giareth's arm, useful only to make him look good."

"Maybe so. She has had enough of her choices taken from her, she should have the chance to choose for herself what she wants. That I owe her, nothing more."

Avon walked briskly to the flight deck, the child followed him like a shadow, mulling over what Avon had said to him. Avon did not like to feel he owed anyone anything and certainly not the alien woman and  **her**  child. He had had no choice in the matter and refused to act on the Star Commander's behalf and get rid of the threat represented to him by the boy. Avon had his own plans and they did not include being used. The woman represented something the Commander wanted, something that gave him power and Avon intended to take that power from him, for much the same reason he had raided the Federation Cartel's accounts, he could.

"What's going on?" He asked, descending the stairs casually, ignoring the shadow behind him and noting the lack of any sign of the boy's grandparents, he was not at all sure how Ranyae would appreciate what he had in mind.

Tarrant stood at his console, arms across his chest defiantly. "We're being followed." He said with disdain.

"Vila, how far?" Avon snapped, seating himself behind his own console and bringing up the information himself, ignoring Vila's answer. "Just how maneuverable is that ship, Tarrant?" He did not need the information from Tarrant as he could make a reasonable guess himself, but he wanted the pilot to understand he was part of this whether he liked it or not, the threat of putting him off the ship still hanging over his head until he proved himself useful to Avon.

"Not very." Tarrant answered. "It's a bulk cruiser, meant to serve as mother ship primarily, a platform for the short range fighters really. It's not meant to be maneuverable, they depend on the small ships to defend them."

"Kai, what's he planning?" Avon asked while the boy surveyed the information displayed on the console before him.

"He'll wait and watch. When he has decided what your intentions are and what your weaknesses are, maybe even fire on you just to see how you react. When he's sure he has the edge, he'll attack." Kai answered with reasonable assurity.

Avon nodded, glancing at the screen and the depicted ship which tailed them at a safe distance, or so they thought. "Tarrant, full reverse. Dayna, see if you can target their cannons."

"Are you crazy?" Tarrant asked, nevertheless doing as he was instructed.

"Just what are you trying to do?" Cally asked quietly.

/Neutron blasters are cleared for firing, target acquired./

"Just getting his attention." Avon answered, sitting back confidently. "Open communications."

As the Liberator gracefully ceased her forward progress and turned effortlessly, the ship in pursuit got closer for only moment, and then came to a stop itself holding hungrily just beyond Liberator's range.

/The ship in pursuit remains beyond blaster range./ Zen reported dutifully.

As the image of the Star Commander appeared on the screen once more, Avon watched with interest. Giareth was pacing his deck nervously. The whip he held trailed behind him lazily. Various members of his crew were attending to assorted warning devices before them. "It had failed to occur to me that you are suicidal, human!" The Star Commander bellowed, he cracked his whip authoritatively. "I did give you a chance at least. Launch one and two, get the Celestia out of the way and then disable them!"

As officers scrambled to carry out his orders, Ranyae descended the stairs to the flight deck calmly. Tarsia and Alacara followed silently. "Belay that order." He said quietly, relaying simply in his voice an authority that was not to be questioned and an anger that was only just kept in check.

Giareth had frozen, whip in midair. His head dropped as he placed his palm to his forehead solemnly. "With respect, Lord First One, I cannot be responsible for your safety if you traffic with thieves. You should not be on that ship. It is my understanding that the entire Counsel have gathered on Prime, your presence is required." His voice carried the barest hint of threat couched in obedience.

"Be assured, Star Commander, I am on this ship for the exact same reason my daughter is aboard yours. Bring her here before I allow the human to destroy you. My concern right now is for the child you took from his mother and left to die, the one who is my mate is quite upset. I do believe you have a physician on board, bring him also." Ranyae did not take his eyes from the image of the Star Commander, studying his every movement. He placed an arm around Kai's shoulder.

At Giareth's hesitance, Ranyae quickly added. "Your Captain shall disarm all weapons  **now**  and dock." *Never forget, child. Show a Giarnethan the slightest fear and he will turn it back on you, only they have the power and they use it without fear.* Motioning to Tarsia to stay close to Alacara, Ranyae turned his gaze to Avon, sending effortlessly. *I can break the blocks he has placed human, but it will cause her pain. If you can reach her, cause her to try an access her memories, they are still there he does not have the power to erase and them and he would not dare exercise his control in my presence.*

Avon watched silently as the screen went blank and the two ships came together. He indicated Tarrant should place the ship on standby and join him on the lower deck as Ranyae, with Kai at his side moved quietly to the upper levels of the deck. Effect was important to these people and it was not lost on Avon that the First One wanted to be in a position above everyone else, he saw no reason to interfere though Tarrant was clearly put off, Tarsia growled warningly at him from across the deck.

Giareth descended the stairs onto the flight deck arrogantly. His crimson cloak spread impressively behind him and he trailed his whip in one had and in the other held a rifle. His eyes took in immediately the layout and operation of the flight deck. An aura of fear spread before the Star Commander like a wave. Vila cowered behind his console, while Dayna looked up defiantly, the Star Commander ignored her totally. As if pulled by a magnetic field, Alarayna followed him reluctantly. She looked around with awe at the alien ship. Clad from head to toe in crimson and gold, her red-orange curls clashed obtusely with the blood red crimson. The ruby on her forehead picked up the light around her sparkling. Giareth moved immediately to take up a position in which he could see everyone and no one was at his back, he inclined his head obediently toward the First One, raising his eyes.

Avon walked up to Alarayna nonchalantly. "Doctor?" He said quietly. She looked at him, confused for a moment and while confusion warred with recognition, he pulled her closer and kissed her. The short battle within her was quickly overcome and he could feel the touch of her mind on his with relief. *Avon, please take the atrocity from my forehead.* Unsure of what kept it in place, Avon reached up for the jewel, which though secure, came off easily in his hand. Alarayna pushed him back from her abruptly, slapping his face soundly. He smiled with satisfaction as he watched her make her way to the flight couch, growling softly at him, Avon was quite certain if he touched her again, her claws would be out. Stepping swiftly out of Kai's way as he rushed to his mother's side, Avon tossed the jewel toward the Star Commander who caught it effortlessly midair, growling loudly.

A black-clad officer followed somewhat captiously. The cloak he wore was lined in a tawny fur bordered by aquamarine and saffron, his clan designation detailed proudly in gold on the back. His brilliant blue eyes never left the Star Commander as he saluted with a bow towards Ranyae.

Ranyae descended to the lower area of the deck more gracefully. "Star Commander, Major Darien, I expect you to behave as per the customs of these people while you are onboard their ship. Speak, no sending. Major, I would appreciate it if you would tend to my daughter, aside from being cross, she does not look well, have you not tended her before?"

Darien sat quietly beside Alarayna, taking out a portable scanner. "Majesty, my services aboard the Giardasta are quite clear. I am to confirm the Commander's kills and aside from serving as relief navigator, I am to stay out of the way. I have been monitoring her condition though I was not asked to attend her. The Giardasta does not have medical facilities."

Giareth looked indignant. "A warship cannot afford to lug about several thousand pounds of medical equipment, nevertheless maintain the empty space for the wounded, they can see to themselves."

Ranyae paused as he walked by the Star Commander's imposing stance. "At the moment, Commander, I do not believe we can afford to lose good officers either, you may wish to consider a redesign for the ships you will need to commission to bring our fleet back to operating force." He looked about the flight deck appreciatively. "I do believe those who manufactured this vessel are not far beyond our borders and their station sustained heavy damage during the conflict, they would not doubt be happy to receive assistance in rebuilding." He stopped in front of Alarayna, reaching a hand toward her, palm outward. "Show me, daughter."

Alarayna raised a tear-streaked face from Kai's shoulder. "I knew I left behind something important on Dartine, but I could not remember what." She looked reluctantly at her father's hand with great reluctance raising her own hand to touch his and meeting his eyes fearfully. Tears were renewed in her eyes, falling hopelessly as she took her hand from her father to clutch Kai closer to her. "I tried to tell him father, but he would not listen." She sobbed gently as Darien shook his head over the readings he was getting. "He placed blocks in my mind then, needing only to reactivate them, so that I would leave Dartine with him without fighting him."

Tears dried slowly on Kai's face as he watched his grandfather approach Giareth, anger emanated from his every move. Ranyae stood before the Star Commander and said sternly. "Give me your tail, Commander."

Though he complied immediately, the Star Commander's granite stance softened somewhat and the intimidation which ran in all directions from him lessened just slightly. His eyes did not meet the First One's as he spoke softly but with great threat. "How long did you know, Commander?"

Giareth chose a spot on the wall to stare at, squaring his shoulders. "Not until I completed the link with her, when I evacuated Dartine. It would have been far too early before and I did not remain with her, she would not have it, the boy was to return."

Ranyae shook his head, keeping his own emotions under control. "Yet, you understood why she had told you she was not yours to take."

Giareth's golden eyes were wide, but calm. "It never occurred to me such a thing would happen, Majesty."

Ranyae looked soberly at the length of tail he held in his hand. The clasp at the very end once again held the ruby which was the Star of Giarnetha. His hand tightened on the thick braid as he said quietly, barely above a whisper. "Your knife, Giareth." The Star Commander complied silently, taking what was his personal knife from it's hiding place woven among the other trinkets in his glorious tail. Ranyae took a deep breath before speaking louder. "You have ignored the lessons of you own people, Commander." With an economy of movement that was nearly invisible to those who watched, Ranyae calmly sliced off the last six inches of Giareth's tail. An audible gasp which did not nearly equal the inner reaction of the Felinians present circulated the room ominously, the Star Commander did not deign to flinch.

Ranyae walked silently back to where Alarayna sat with her son on her lap. Avon had sat down on the couch opposite and watched curiously. Taking the golden and ruby adorned clasp, he handed it to Kai. "You will need to give this to your sister, it is hers by right."

Kai looked up at him with belligerent disbelief. "They are human, I have felt them."

Alacara came to stand behind Alarayna with her hands on her shoulders as the young doctor looked up at her father and screamed. "NO."

"I don't understand." Avon confessed, wondering at Alarayna's sudden distress.

With a sidelong glare at Giareth, Ranyae answered reluctantly while trying to calm his daughters thoughts. "It is the very reason our people have always insisted a woman have only one mate. In the first days after the Voyage, there were twins born, two children, two fathers. The fighting would usually end up with all concerned dead, too great a loss for our ancestors to cope with. Though they share the same egg from their mother, one is human, one is not." Ranyae turned to Darien compassionately. "Let her sleep, Major."

Darien nodded silently, no longer looking at the Star Commander. He placed an injector to her arm and her tears quickly subsided, though she still held Kai tightly.

Giareth quietly coiled his whip and attached it to the shoulder of his uniform. His eyes belied absolutely no emotion, he tossed his tail behind him as if it did not exist. Ranyae turned back to him once again, growling loudly. "Just how did you imagine you would retrieve your honor from this, Giarnethan?"

Giareth's voice was quiet and controlled. "I did not. There does not remain a solution which will be easy on the woman, that is not my doing. Major, bring her to my quarters please."

Darien sat back uneasily watching the two men with no intention of touching Alarayna. Ranyae persisted, his temper building dangerously. "You cannot fail to understand, she  **cannot** be  **yours**!"

" **Neither can she belong to a human, the Counsel will never stand for it!"** Giareth answered hotly, raising his rifle towards Avon.

"The choice  **will remain hers, Giareth**. I shall not allow her to be used in a Giarnethan attempt to elevate themselves beyond which they were ever meant to be. You have your title, for  **now**. I shall see to it that it passes to the child's son. I warn you, Giareth, if word of this gets beyond the counsel to the general Populus, you will be lucky to get a salute from a  **cadet**. The  **only**  reason I will not take your life, is that I need you right now. The morals of your clan will have to be tolerated, I have no choice. Whatever she desires, I will grant her and you will not try to vote against me, the rest of the Counsel will follow me, they have waited for an heir long enough. The boy, other than lacking in training, is perfectly suited, I see no reason he should not inherit my titles and I'm sure I can convince the Counsel of that."

"I shall undertake his training, majesty." Giareth murmured dejectedly. He took the knife Ranyae had handed him and looked across the deck. Tarsia met his glance defiantly, but Darien would not acknowledge him. "Boy, come here."

Kai looked at him suspiciously for a moment before getting up. He stood reluctantly looking up to the man who stood twice his height at least. Giareth gracefully folded to one knee and held his knife hilt first toward Kai. The blade in his palm, it would take little effort for the child to slice his hand off. As Kai eyed him quietly, he said. "For the she-tiger who defended you as her own. The fire tigers of Dartine are the guardians of my kind. It would be fitting to consider the snow tigers of Prime to be yours. When you have killed one of their males, his hide will line your cloak and his spirit protect you." Kai reached out to take the gold hilted crystal knife, placing it in his wrist sheath and meeting the Star Commander's gaze briefly.

Giareth returned to his ship uneventfully, trying to keep his dignity in place and totally ignore the missing length of tail. The Giardasta remained on Liberator's flank taking up guard position silently as Ranyae refused to board his ship and remained an uneasy passenger aborad the ship which had been branded both terrorist and savior. For several hours Alarayna slept curled up peacefully on the flight couches while her mother crossed to the Celestia to retrieve both proper clothing and food for her.

The seemingly never ending arguments on the flight deck, though typical, bothered Avon more than usual. Tarrant did not like having the Felinians on the ship and he disliked even more taking the ship to the heart of their territories and relying on their protection. As calmly as he could, Avon explained that there were repairs that needed to be done which could not be done without the ship docked with the flight systems off-line until all systems could be checked and various repairs made. While they did this, they would be totally helpless, especially while the strategic computers were being worked on. The rest of the crew, though they left their doubts unvoiced, were concerned that the adjustments the computer tech intended on making the to strategic computers would not necessarily benefit them all. Though each member of the crew told themselves they had their own personal and very self-interested reasons for wanting to remain part of the crew, they all knew that on a ship almost totally controlled by computers, they could not help but be at the mercy of the one person who could not only understand, but bend those systems to his will. Willingly or not, they would be Avon's crew though each understood it would never be stated that way, nevertheless it was so by necessity.

Feeling uneasy, the crew did not want to leave their stations and remained there though Liberator's technical 'night', though Vila spent most of it sleeping. Avon roamed the ship as was his habit. Taking a last minute turn leading him to the observation ports, he found Kai staring out at the stars intensely. Desiring the distraction afforded by the stars himself, Avon stood quietly beside Kai. Conversation was an unnecessary and trivial distraction, both knew this well. However, there were things which continued to bother and infuriatingly distract the younger Avon.

"According to Felinian law she is yours to claim, will you?" Kai asked innocently, his nonchalance in no way belying his anxiety.

Avon signed. "Women are not things to be owned or claimed." Though Felinian custom was diametrically opposed to everything he had been taught to believe, he refused to be an unwitting participant. The child beside him, though he hid it expertly, was upset by the entire situation. Avon wished uselessly he could reach out for the troubled child, his own memory had gone through too much to teach him differently. One must need no one, trust in no one, desire comfort from no one. There had been too many in his life, particularly early in it, who had held him mock concern while others destroyed his life and tied him with chains of authority he would have to ruin his own life to break. The depth of the darkness in his eyes grew appreciably as he looked at the boy.

"You do understand, if she does not belong to you, then she will belong to Giareth and he will see to it she sits at is feet for the rest of her life."

"Then she will belong to him. There is nothing I can do about it and it is useless to waste time thinking about it." Avon stared at the stars once more, remembering the blank look of defeat on her face as she had sat at the Star Commander's feet. Knowing her womb contained his own daughter was marred by the fact she shared it with Giareth's.

Kai growled softly as he studied Avon's face for the solution that did not exist. "I hate you." He said simply, noting the lack of change in Avon's features.

He did turn to walk back to the flight deck though, uncertain himself of the war that raged within. "I know."

"Still she loves you." Kai said quietly to the retreating form of his father, his voice failed him and he wiped angrily at the tears. The silence on the flight deck, while at some times would have been welcomed, was oppressive to Avon as he sat on the couch opposite Alarayna, his feet up on the table where Orac sat humming busily to itself. He watched her sleep with an interest he did not want to understand. She was only a child after all, a woman in the eyes of her people, to which her enlarged abdomen clearly attested. Studiously, he compared the feelings that stirred deeply within him as he watched her to his long denied memories of Anna, and even more forbidden, his mother. Pleasant, even happy memories were not hard to resurrect from behind the walls he had set in place before them, but with each he could not deny the mirrored pain that came with them, suddenly and violently. The sorrow and desperation he had seen in his mothers eyes and imagined had been in Anna's as she refused to give the information which would have saved her life, but which she knew would destroy his, all this he had seen plain in the young Felinian as she cowed at her mate's feet, bound by invisible telepathic strings to a master who would allow no quarter. It would remain her fate unless he interfered. Though it would serve to give her gain in the short term, he feared and did not want to expose her to what it would mean in the long term.

As he understood it, if claim were granted to Giareth, the Star Commander would become the legal father to all the children even those human, their heritage would never been questioned. The eldest of his surviving sons, whom Avon doubted would be Kai, would become heir to Ranyae's titles and it would be up to the rest of what promised to be several offspring to fight among themselves to establish the heir to Giareth's tittles. To be honest, maintaining claim on her himself did not put her in any better circumstances. Ranyae would be more than happy to allow her raise the small children on his palace grounds and be responsible for their health and safety there, Avon need never even see them gain. According to Felinian law, claim was made upon any intimate contact. The claim was established and made permanent on the birth of a child and once established, could not be broken or modified in any way. As deeply as Avon was in evaluating probabilities, using his usual mathematical precision in determining the value of his options, he failed to notice it when Tarrant descended to the deck opposite him, glaring voraciously at the sleeping woman. "Really, Avon, I can't imagine what you were thinking. No, I know what you were thinking. I guess I had gotten the impression you were accustomed to taking consequences into consideration before acting." Tarrant said boldly.

Avon looked up quite calmly, he smiled rather too congenially, his voice even and usually soft. "Apparently you are too young to understand some things are worth it."

Not to be bested, Tarrant threw back boldly, sitting beside the sleeping woman arrogantly. "Apparently she is too young to appreciate that herself, she did not seem happy to see you."

Mildly, his smile growing more confident, Avon had noticed the minute change in her breathing pattern. He reached over to brush a stray curl from her face, looking up innocently at Tarrant. "Touch her and I'll let the boy dissect you personally."

Tarrant grinned impishly. "You mean it is okay for  **you**  to think of her as property, but not anyone else, is that it? Still, she is a pretty thing, I'm not blaming you." Tarrant reached her and gasped as she grabbed his hand the instant it moved, growling.

She applied the lightest pressure to his arm, claws just digging into the fabric of his tunic, she placed a foot against his side and looked into is eyes briefly. Alarayna dropped Tarrant's hand and turned to Avon. "Blake's gone a few weeks and you take to picking up strays now? That could be a bad habit you know. This one's surface thoughts are centered entirely on one thing."

Avon watched noncommittally. "This one is Del Tarrant and I'm sure his thoughts are centered on learning to fly the ship since he's our new pilot." He nodded towards Dayna who sat at her console watching with mild amusement. "That one is Dayna. She's harmless, but she handles a gun well and she did save me from Servalan."

Releasing Tarrant's arm obligingly, she looked from looked briefly at Dayna. As Tarrant retreated back to his station, trying to look unaffected, Alarayna sighed deeply, saying quietly. "I am Alarayna, physician to humans and sole possession of the Star Commander of Felinas. Where is he by the way?"

Darien descended the stairs glibly. "He's on the Giardasta, hiding from your father." He pointed his scanner at her and puzzled over the results. "Your temperature is rising."

"What would make the great one want to hide?" She took the scanner from Darien as he sat beside her.

"You father took five years growth off his tail, his clan designation." Darien said with a grin.

"My temperature is not that high, it's been higher. I'm fine." She stretched languidly, one hand on her back. She reached out for a piece of fruit in the table before her, chewing on it thoughtfully.

"Kai said you required medication." Avon offered.

"At this stage, it does little more than keep it from getting worse. He was concerned and I did not think he needed to know how sick I will get before I deliver.

Darien considered the scanner once more. "Your immune system has already been through quite a lot. Are you sure you can safely deliver two?"

"I haven't been presented with another choice, Darien."

Darien reached over and touched her hand briefly as he got up. "When you've had something to eat and are feeling little more steady, I want to run a few more tests, their medical facilities are excellent."

Alarayna sat placidly eating fruit, the only thing lately which agreed with her stomach, whether her mother knew this or had guessed, she did not now. Eventually, she looked across at Avon who was studying her carefully. Curious and a bit groggy yet, she asked. "Why are angry with me?"

"Am I?" He replied simply, he did not intend to get into an emotional argument and disliked immensely that she knew exactly how to pull his strings, much more so than the boy.

*Don't play with him.* Kai warned her silently. *He's good at it and he rather enjoys it.* Alarayna smiled, watching Avon through veiled eyes. She knew well if he wanted to be difficult, he was in fact very angry and it would take more than a little prying to find the root of it. "I would expect you to have questions, has the search for knowledge ended?"

Avon considered her coldly. "If I thought you had anything worthwhile to add, I would ask. It makes little difference at this point, Alarayna. It's a fairly simple equation."

Alarayna smiled patiently. "Come over here and sit, there's plenty of room." Avon looked at her darkly. "The link is always there, the more senses it touches, the stronger it gets that's all. It simply becomes easier for you to ignore." She extended a hand to him and he grudgingly got up to sit next to her, watching her blankly. "I was never good at math, but I think I can make easier for you. You can't balance your equation by subtracting emotion from one side and adding a negative to the other. In numbers, the theory is sound and should work, but emotions don't behave like numbers." She placed his hand on her belly obliquely and met his eyes. *They are children, Kerr, you cannot treat them like numbers, surely you understand that.* While she had the attention of his mind, she followed carefully the threads of anger that lay strewn about, finding his anger toward her lead inevitably to Giareth. He had at once a hatred and a desire to best the Star Commander, both desires deftly hidden.

As the stirring of something within in her began to intrigue him, he snatched his hand back, ignoring the amused look on Cally's face. "You should have given him what he wanted, then you would have done with it." He said coldly.

"Well now, that's rational." She answered testily. "Except when you consider a Giarnethan can never have enough male heirs. Their title is only worthwhile when purchased in blood and the more brothers one has to kill to get to it, the more honor. It never stops with them, they're insatiable, his mind disgusts me."

"Not nearly enough for you to kill him." He watched her expression predatorily.

"By the time I realized what he was up to, it was too late. One of the purposes of Essence is to disable a female's claws."

Avon was determined not to be put off. "He carries at least four knives on him. I'm sure you could have reached at least one while his attention was distracted."

She got up more quickly and easily than the imbalance of her weight would seem to allow. "A woman is forbidden to touch such things. And, he does not allow himself to get nearly as distracted as you do!" She took another piece of fruit with her as she decided to leave.

Avon reached up to grab her arm firmly, saying in a soft but dangerous voice. "It beats living in a cave, though, doesn't it? I dislike being used!"

She growled softly, taking his hand from her arm more forcefully than he would have given her credit for. "Tell me,  **Avon**. Is it really superior genetics or just the Elite training that makes you so superior? Just what makes you think I would want to use  **you**  for anything? And why is okay for you to use me?" She hissed at him as she picked up the clothing left by her mother. "Don't even think of touching me again!" She left with Cally to find the medical suite.

Avon looked about discretely, although everyone looked busy, it did not seem they were listening. Vila was in a state of quasi-sleep and did not seem to be willing to rouse himself. Avon had gone though too much to place his Elite status behind him and was not about to let anyone think he belonged to the ultra-privileged of ultra-privileged class of Federation citizens. His attention was captured briefly by Kai's voice from the shadows, looking around he could not discern his shape from the shadows and had not had any idea the boy was on the flight deck. "If I were you, I'd bear in mind, she's like that every morning. The sugar hits her system and wakes up her hormones, now she'll go off and cry for a couple of hours, then you can talk to her without risking exciting her emotions." Kai melted from the shadows as Avon followed the sound of his voice to the darker regions of the upper flight deck where the boy was virtually invisible.

As the boy came toward him and sat beside him, Avon wondered aloud. "Why would the Gentechs chose to manufacture a race of hunters and breed out entirely dark features?"

"Felinians fight by intimidation, not by stealth. That's why they are so attached to bright colors, they want to stand out. They like to spill blood, but if intimidation gets the same results, they'll take that and save blood for honor, understand?"

Avon nodded, some of his questions came closer to be answered, but there remained others he needed settled. "I need to speak with your grandfather, do you know where he is?"

Soon after Kai and Avon departed the flight deck, Vila turned to Tarrant curiously. "Tarrant, have you ever met an Elite?"

Tarrant looked at him for a moment. "Personally, no. I've seen one or two of the top Generals, but not in the same room. Why?"

"What's an Elite?" Dayna queried.

"I thought all Alphas were considered elite." Cally offered.

Tarrant sat back in his seat confidently, and said with his best aire of superiority. "The Elite are to the Alphas what Alphas are to the working classes. The closest thing to royalty left in the Federation."

Vila turned back to his console smugly. "Say what you want, Blake disagreed with me, but he did look into it and Orac is never forthcoming about anything. Avon's an Elite."

"Your crazy, Vila." Tarrant said haughtily.

Vila climbed up to stand next to Tarrant conspiratorially. "No I'm not Tarrant. Listen, Novacorps themselves paid to have Alarayna inseminated. Julian Nova himself threatened that if she did not give him the child, she would be sorry."

Tarrant looked at him like a sick child, having something he did not want to catch. "First, Vila, you'd have to convince me Julian Nova would speak to an alien, not to mention arrange to fund such a venture. Even so, you cannot convince me an Elite would risk his life to steal money, they have more than anyone could possibly want in the first place."

"I know it's a stretch, Tarrant. Just suppose. Not all people steal because they need things, you know. Now an ordinary working class Alpha they would never send to Cygnus for embezzlement. It seems to me they wanted to make an example of him which would be what they'd do to any Elite breaking ranks like that, they'd have to."

Vila got closer, bringing his voice down considerably. "Now Orac will confirm that Novacorps with the knowledge and acceptance of it's chairman funded the Pandora Project for very specific reasons."

"Meaning? Vila, this is silly."

"There are those among the deltas who swear Julian Nova had a son, hand picked to be his heir. Only thing is, when he was young, his mother disappeared and he burned in a fire in the Alpha housing section, never to spoken of again, you're probably too young to have heard about it."

"It's a familiar enough story, Vila. A chapter in corporate history, it happened before I was born, but I learned about it in academy. It was a tragic accident, Novacorps still has no heir."

"Well, that's the Novacorps story, the way the Delta's tell it is different. They tell it this way. Young Kerr Nova was a rebellious brat. He murdered his mother, beat the tar out of his older brother and set fire to the housing district to hide the evidence. The fire was so intense and so hot, there was not enough left of the ashes to identify anyone. The kid got away clean and changed his name, meanwhile Novacorps made sure no one found out what really happened."

Tarrant frowned, but the implications did not escape him, nor did the possibility that such a thing could have happened. Something was missing and he knew enough to leave well enough alone where the Elite were concerned, they could make anything and anyone they wanted disappear without a trace. "What have you been drinking now, Vila. If I were an Elite and wanted to change my name, I'd be more imaginative than that, it's too close anyone would see through it."

"What do you know about alias', Tarrant. The first thing you do is make sure it's close enough so you'll never forget yourself and give it away, it's perfect. Nova, Avon it makes sense in an ironic way, doesn't it? Remind you of anyone?" Vila started as he looked up into Kai's dark gaze.

Kai smiled ironically. "Nice story, Vila. Do you really think the Elite would stand for someone like me as the heir to Novacorps? It's a nasty story and have a care is does not reach the wrong ears, you'll be dead before you know it."

Avon sat in the crew room next to Ranyae, trying without much success to avoid his vivid green eyes. "I do believe it is a solution which benefits all involved, particularly yourself, First One." Avon said confidently taking the key from Orac and sitting back in his chair.

During the galactic war, Spaceworld and their ship building facilities had suffered enormous losses, this Orac had tracked carefully. Spaceworld and the Alta civilization bordered very closely to the Felinian's crimson line and would be fairly easily defended by them. Avon had offered to 'encourage' Novacorps to supplement Felinas' production of Herculaneum until their mining facilities became self-sufficient. The security programs were still the same ones he had installed himself and Novacorps in fact would know nothing of their assistance to the Felinian government. Ranyae greatly admired the Liberator and had suffered large losses in the war himself and needed ships. In return for Novacorps support, Avon would legitimize Felinas' half-human heir, avoiding what would be a difficult and bloody dispute if the Star Commander pressed his own claim. All in all, Avon felt it was a solution which would not only benefit all involved, but allow him to pursue his own interests while not having to feel he had neglected his responsibilities. Ranyae sat back, nodding. "It is within my power to do as you have requested. The Star Commander for his part risks embarrassment not only to his personal honor, but that of his clan if he does not release her. I am quite sure that our mining facilities in the Farlian sector will be able to step up their production with the proper encouragement. I do believe the power Giareth will gain from such a fleet alone will keep him in line. I will pursue a trade agreement with Novacorps under the guidelines you have suggested and am sure I can broker an arrangement with the Alta culture both to protect their own interests as well as to increase ours. Your computer is quite sure the modifications you have suggested can be implemented?

Avon had been working practically since boarding the Liberator on more military modifications to the survey ship design and with Orac's help had perfected them. Kai had supplied Orac with his own observations of downed alien craft on how to produce a drive capable of safe hyperspace travel, making the improvements complete and iresitible to the Felinian government, who would ensure all technology stayed out of Federation hands. "Orac has already downloaded the necessary specifications to your strategic computers and he can have Zen do the same to the Alta facilities once they agree. The only question that remains is whether Alarayna will agree."

Ranyae stared back at him evenly. "I understand our cultures differ greatly on this particular matter, but you must understand, the woman's opinion is unnecessary. In granting you a son, she has already accepted you as her mate and she knows it. Giareth in his adolescent obsession refused to believe her, nevertheless, she rightfully belongs to you as do the children she carries now, though their clan designations will be different, the Counsel will not argue with me on the point. Giarnetha's next heir will be his daughter's son or none at all, he to see that. Perhaps I was rash in my desire to protect her, but she knows her obligations well and will accept what she must."

It was several hours and well into the 'daytime shift' before Avon ran into Kai, staring out at the stars once more. Kai glared at him coldly. "I suppose you expect me to carry out your vendetta against Novacorps now." He said accusingly.

Avon sighed. "I do not expect anything from you, or your mother, she understands that. You will both be free to live as you see fit. I will not place a price on your life. If Novacorps is to be paid back it is mine to do and I will, the best way for me to accomplish that if for you to thrive on your own."

Kai continued to stare blankly at the stars. "Does she understand? You thought Anna did an yet she loved you didn't she?"

"Apparently." Avon answered hollowly. "I never encouraged her, I never said I did." His eyes grew even harder as he thought about the last time he had seen her alive and those who had tortured her to death. "I will make sure those responsible will pay, all of them."

Kai turned around defiantly. "Including yourself? Precisely where does it ever end?"

"It would have ended by now if Julian had not interfered. There must be an end to it and there will be!"

"And where does that leave us? In case you have forgotten, you have two girls on the way, what have they done to deserve never seeing one half of their lives? Just because you did not intend to create them or me does not negate our existence."

"It's the most equitable solution to a problem I did not create in the first place." Avon said quietly and practically. He dared not reach out for a child he could never really have and certainly never bring anything but his curse to. He knew his own misspent life would not be long. Whether by his own hand or the many that reached for him, it would end, soon.

A new anger kindled in the boy's eyes, one which Avon knew would sustain him over the pain that would come his way. "Equitable! To who, you? None of this means anything beyond business does it? You have figured all the angles and added up all the possibilities and decided this has the largest profit margin, haven't you? So long as you have passed the responsibility on, we cease to matter. How long before you forget us entirely?"

Avon stared back at him blankly, unable and finding himself unwilling to offer anything more. The anger he saw reflected on the boy's face would have to suffice for him and eventually he would learn that. He turned silently and headed for the medical unit, holding in his hand a polished onyx Ranyae had given him. As he rounded a corner to the medical facilities, he saw Alarayna. She glanced at him briefly, now dressed in green and white with her father's cloak draped over her shoulders. She folded to her knees instantly, she held her tail before her and her forehead rested on her knees. Avon could only guess at how uncomfortable the position was for her, he looked at Kai who had followed him silently.

"One's tail is one's life, she offers it to you and the with it the only product her life has to give you, her children. Take her tail in one hand and her hand in the other and place the stone on her forehead." Kai explained quietly.

Avon did as he was told somewhat reluctantly, amazed as the smooth stone remained in place between her eyebrows just as the ruby had, though there was nothing in the stone's texture to suggest it would stay where it was put. He looked curiously at her curiously.

She took his hand and murmured softly. "Forever known, never betrayed." Noting his confusion, she added. "The stone contains a Dolsinar crystal at its base. The crystal responds to will. So long as I accept your will, it remains in place, none but you can take it from its place, your will is part of me now as well as our children."

"Rayna, I don't want to . . ." Words failed him as he realized he did not entirely understand what was happening and what part he played in it. His desire for the youth and beauty which stood trembled before him, he realized he must deny. His life had no place for such things and he did not want it to. His life and his feelings were woefully inadequate to accept what she seemed to offer him, what he wanted despite himself for her to offer.

She sensed his turmoil and leaning heavily on Kai, she said to him reasonably. "I know what you worked out with my father and it shall be done, but certain formalities must be observed in order to allow him to make it legal and presentable to the Counsel which he must answer to. I know very well that you intend to invest no emotion in me or my children, it is not your way, I understand that. I will make sure I and my children do not interfere with what you must do. Those promises you have made to yourself remain as they were, I do not expect anything from you." She leaned more heavily on Kai as momentary dizziness passed over her. "I need to rest." She said quietly.

Avon caught her lightly as she swooned, closing her eyes briefly as she laid her head on his shoulder. Tarrant walked up in a huff and stood in the hall opposite, hands folded across his chest, glaring at Avon disgustedly. Avon reached down to lift Alarayna's chin from his shoulder. She opened her eyes groggily, but obediently. Avon froze holding her thus as he realized the connection he felt to her had heightened almost unbearably. If he concentrated slightly, he could feel the presence in his mind of not only her, but the children as well, each separate and undefinably different from one another.

*It's an effect of the Dolsinar. Technically, it should not work that way on a non-telepath, but the effect will diminish with distance and should decrease as the link establishes itself. It's a one-way link right now, if you were a telepath, you would have greater control over it. Don't worry, you won't start manifesting latent telepathic abilities, it will wear off before you know it.*

When he was certain she was more steady on her feet, Avon turned to Kai. "Take your mother to my quarters and let her lie down." He kissed her briefly but intensely before she left with Kai. He said shortly, just so that Tarrant would appreciate his dislike of being interrupted. "What is it?"

Not about to let his own dislike of the situation show, the younger man replied quickly. "We are holding at station two spacials beyond the orbital station. The Star Commander insists we allow him to pilot the ship into its berth."

"Fine." Avon said as he headed for the flight deck unperturbed.

Tarrant took his arm urgently. "You don't trust him with this ship do you?"

Avon spun clear of Tarrant's reach, making it clear the personal intrusion was not to happen again. "I trust more his desire to maintain the safety of his station than I do  **your**  desire to prove your piloting skills." As he descended the flight stairs with a disgruntled Tarrant behind him, he looked around briefly. "Zen, release manual control to the Star Commander."

/Confirmed./

Giareth sat back behind the pilot's console with an imperious look at Tarrant as he took the controls gingerly. "Computer, on docking, disengage all internal gravity generators, the station has it's own field that it will supply the ship with."

/Confirmed./

The Star Commander sat back confidently, concentrating on the instrumentation before him as the main screen showed the station looming large but dwarfed by the Liberator's hulk. The Celestia had already docked several berths from them. Ranyae entered silently, watching Giareth carefully.

"Is there room, Star Commander?" Ranyae asked dubiously.

"Just." Giareth answered without breaking his concentration. "For the main section, we will have about a length on either side. I need contact with the station." Cally quietly made the necessary adjustments to bring the station's communications online, watching the delicate maneuver with respect.

"Station communications online." She reported quietly.

"Station Commander, I take you have received the ship's specifications. How long can you maintain the station's orbit with the added mass?" Giareth asked, nudging the ship gently into the docking cradle.

"Non-powered, 36 hours, Lord Commander. We do not have the fuel to sustain orbital boost beyond that and will have to cut the cradle ties at 30 hours." Came the disembodied response.

Ranyae turned questioningly to Avon, who replied calmly. "The major systems repairs will be completed in 24 hours without complication, after that we will have access to our own boosters. All repairs should be completed in 28 hours.

Giareth looked at him suspiciously. "It had better be so. I will cut the ship free in 30 hours, you will have another 10 after that before your own orbit decays."

"It won't be a problem." Avon insisted. "Ninety percent of the repairs are controlled by the computer systems, if they report they can be finished in 24 hours, they will be."

The crew left the ship to wait in a large conference room on the station, from the corridors, they were afforded and excellent view of the Liberator as she hung in space attached to the docking berths along with two other ships orbiting silently the planet below. The Star Commander refused to allow the humans to go beyond the station and emphatically refused they be allowed to go down to the planet. Liberator's teleports facilities were shut down and would remain so. The First One along with his entourage and the Star Commander returned to the planet via the Celestia. The station's Commander and his officers kept a quiet but diligent watch of the humans without saying a word to them. Kai remained, fascinated by the station. Avon, for his part remained aboard the Liberator ostensibly to make sure the repair programs were running properly. All systems would be shut down for a few hours only and life support capabilities would be maintained to the flight deck, allowing him to remain on the ship during the repair cycle. Communications remained open to the station and Zen was able to give reports to the rest of the crew.

Avon did not mind in the least being alone on the great ship. He remained for the most part at his station on the flight deck, working on the programming he wanted to add to Zen's securing his and Orac's control over the systems. He watched with silent satisfaction as each of the ship's main systems went off-line for repair and reprogramming. He frowned disconcerted as the medical systems remained on-line beyond their slated repair cycle. "Zen, why do the medical systems remain online?"

/All internal sensors are unavailable. The status of the medical facilities cannot be determined. Personal inspection is required./

Annoyed at the disruption in his carefully choreographed program, Avon headed for the medical unit. On examining the panels outside, it was obvious power was being maintained to the unit via the station. The medical systems were not slated for any repair anyway and it really did not matter, but it bothered Avon. The corridors had taken on a distinct chill as the station's orbit brought the ship across the dark side of the planet and the environmental systems were shut down, on opening the door, the air was appreciably warmer and he shut the door behind him as he went in. Alarayna was curled up on the exam table in as tight a ball as she could manage, asleep. Confused, as his memory told him she had last been with Kai and he had assumed she left the ship with him. He reached out to touch her shoulder lightly. She growled instantly, grabbing his hand until her eyes registered him. Her growling ceased, but her hand tightened on his arm as pain registered in her deep green eyes. After a moment, she released his arm, sitting back, panting.

"I thought you left with the others." He said quietly, an edge of panic he did not understand creeping into his voice.

She looked at him as though he were being absurd, the severity of her mood softening as she realized he did not understand and very probably would not, a failing of emotion entirely and not ration. "I knew it would be soon and I did not want to be alone." She could see that acceptance of her statement was not forthcoming and tried to reign in her own fractured emotions. Images of the past were haunting her and she was afraid. "When I delivered Kai, I was alone on a passenger freighter, there was no one to help and I had no idea of what the other passengers would do. I know you don't want to understand, but I did not want to be alone this time. Kai routed all the power systems through the station, so whatever you're doing on the rest of the ship won't be compromised."

Realization crept slowly into Avon's mind, tuned for hours now to ships systems and protocols, orderly things, he disliked immensely the emotion that stirred entirely without his permission. "You're  **not**  having babies on  **my**  ship!" He said sternly.

"I can refuse little that you ask of me, but this is not something I can control. Babies tend to come on their own schedule irregardless of what one wants, ten more hours and Kai would have been born on Felinian soil. They are fully developed if a little small, I should have liked to have gone a few more weeks, but it is not to be."

Avon slowed down and reversed the tangent his mind had gone on, saying reasonably. "You need a doctor, I'm sure if Darien has already gone down to the planet, he can be sent up by shuttle."

"I don't need a doctor, I am a  **doctor**!" She returned hotly. "Besides that, none may touch me but you, especially not Darien. This is a natural process, not a disease and most of the work is mine to do. What I need you to do is simple and provided you're not squeamish, you'll do fine."

The entire situation was becoming more absurd by the moment and Avon was determined to be rational. He backed away from her, intuitively knowing that contact would only further complicate matters. "Nonsense! I'll go and get the girls, they'll know what to do. It won't take a minute, I'll be right back." As he hastily turned for the door, he could see the disappointment mixed with fear in her eyes.

"Please, Avon. Don't leave me alone!" Her voice was heavy and she just barely managed to hold back tears.

Surprised mildly by the effort it took to steel his resolve, Avon closed the door behind him firmly. He found the temperature to have dropped several degrees and he could see his breath as he turned on the torch he was carrying. It was obvious, he told himself rationally, the woman was unbalanced. He stopped on the flight deck to retrieve Orac and get a report on the progression of repairs before heading for the port entry lock to fetch Cally and Dayna. It was perfectly acceptable to him that women would be better suited to handle such a situation he repeated to himself even as he found he had traversed a circle and stood before the medical unit once again. The ship was a silent as a tomb, his own footsteps echoing into silence on the deserted ship. Though there was no sound, he could sense disturbingly clearly her thoughts and the fear that hunted her viciously. He told himself it must be a side effect of the telepathic crystal that he could feel her feelings as though they were his own and he hated it.

Tarrant had asked and he had not deigned to answer, 'what had he been thinking?', he was certainly old enough to know better. At the time it had seemed perfectly reasonable to assume if he could only forget Anna for a time, her image would cease to haunt his dreams. He had studied all the files Orac had turned up on the Federation project named Pandora which had allowed Alarayna to become pregnant with Kai. All participants in the project had been subjected to extensive hormone therapy as well as other method just to make them fertile. Without those measures, Avon had been confident he did not have worry, and he certainly did not think that Blake's ill-fated excursions would ever bring him back to Felinian space.

It was by far not the first time Avon had been wrong. He had been wrong to believe his Elite influence could protect Anna from the forces which sought him. Sought to punish him for refusing their gifts of comfort, security and power just to be free. Free to pursue what interested him and not necessarily what profited him, free to love a woman not of 'their kind'. It was that which haunted him, he knew though he did not want to accept it. He had never loved her, she had loved him despite his best efforts to discourage her, but when it came to proving it, she did with her life. He had sentenced himself to bear the burden of revenge for a woman he had to admit he had never loved, but used to forget all the blood that already stained his hands, his very soul, that black thing which he never looked at any more, burned with Kerr Nova, dead to all intent and purpose. Avon reached a shaking hand up to massage the tension in his forehead, staring obliquely at the door before him. *If you freeze out there, I shall not come out for you and I do not intend to treat you for frostbite. I know you don't like it when I send, but you think so loudly, you make it nearly impossible to ignore you.*

Sighing with aggravation, Avon opened the door and walked in quickly lest the heat in the room be lost to the corridor outside. He placed Orac on a table and turned to Alarayna. She wiped despondently at the tears on her face, returning his glance defiantly. In the absence of clearly understood emotion, he decided it was more prudent to stay as far from the subject as he could. "Don't do that, it gives me a headache." He said tersely.

"I know it's difficult." She said sympathetically. "Other peoples' thoughts and particularly emotions are impossible to deal with, you must learn to accept them as someone else' and not yours, feel them, but not try to integrate them. It's something we must learn to do from the time we are born, but it does take effort."

"I would imagine I shall become used to it eventually." Avon said morosely, running a hand through his hair nervously.

She looked at him tolerantly. "You don't want to get used to it, that's the problem. You think if you just stand still long enough, it will go away and you won't have to bother yourself with wasting emotion on it."

"I never intended to invest emotion in it, I thought you knew that!" Avon said, accusingly.

"I knew that." Alarayna said hollowly. "I understood exactly that you intended to put us as far behind you as you could and never look back. Somewhere in your male hormone driven history, your people managed to separate sex from procreation and were happy with that. The problem was, they have never been successful in separating emotion from sex, at least for the most part on the female side of the equation. I am truly sorry that it never occurred to me to stop you long enough to explain that our people have entirely different ideas on intimacy. It is a function of nature and is intended for one purpose, to think of it solely as a way to pass time, for entertainment is beyond me frankly."

Avon sat gingerly next to her on the table, not wanting to be so close, but feeling drawn at the same time. "You fully expected to get pregnant then? You might have said something."

"I wouldn't say that. I did not  **fully** expect it, I did know there was chance, but I thought a small one. Of one thing I was always sure, the Pandora Project worked entirely on self-fulfilling theory without bothering to put the science behind their theories, they had it all wrong."

"Meaning?" Avon said testily. "Don't play games with me, Alarayna, I dislike it."

"Oh, no, you only like games you know you can win. I mean, you needn't be angry with Giareth, he did not get you into this, you did. I was already pregnant when he took me, that's why my father was so angry, Giareth knew that. When he left, he placed a block so that I would not remember that he had been there and also left in place blocks which when he reactivated them would make me forget the last several years. Given the circumstances, I would have to believe fertility has less to do with a male's literal essence than it does his emotional one. For my people it has always been about domination and submission. I begin to believe it is enough to be in the presence of one's mate to be fertile, the essence simply makes it an imperative but is obviously not necessary." Her breathing had become slightly faster and deeper and she closed her eyes and grabbed silently at the edge of the table for a moment. Avon got back up abruptly as she opened her eyes and spoke in a strained voice. "Computer, duration and dilation."

/Duration is 75 seconds, dilatation has progressed to 70 percent./

She looked at him soberly, stability returning to her voice. "It's going faster than I thought it would, it will only be a few more hours, I'm nearly to third stage."

Nearer to panic than he liked to be, Avon took her hand urgently. "Rayna, I can't do this, I have to get you a doctor, Dayna at least, she told me she helped deliver one of the Sarran children."

Alarayna took a deep breath and looked at him seriously, fear passing her eyes only to be banished. "Listen to me, I'm not asking anything of you that I don't know you can do. I need you to keep your head, I can tell you what needs to be done, your part is small. You must accept the fact that there is nothing Darien can do. These children are going to be born or I am going to die, it's a simple fact. My energy must be enough, there is no other way. Darien can do nothing but surgery and I am not strong enough to survive the anesthesia. This is the price a mother pays for her children. Either I give them their lives or I lose my own. You of all people understand there is price for everything. Is it so much to expect to give someone their life? It was my choice, my will to accept the risks involved with this and I have. If you had any respect for me you would accept it as well."

He looked at her hard for a long moment. He could feel more plainly than he liked the fear and doubt that lay behind her practical and carefully spoken words. He knew somehow that there was more that she shielded from him, more pain, more fear and these things he could understand. In the face of emotions he did not understand, it was his nature to isolate himself from other stimulus until he had figured out every contingency and possible outcome. What she was asking of him was not nearly easy and she must know that if she knew anything about him. A voice made itself known in his mind as if from a distance, weak but bearing emotion, bearing trust. *Is it so much that she asks of you, really?* It was Kai's voice. *You were more than happy to enjoy her when you could, to use her to forget if only for a moment. Well, she cannot forget. Those lives she carries are more important to her than her own, you can understand how desperately she wants to protect them, make them safe. She could very well have killed you both times you asked this of her, do not hate her because she did not, it is not in her nature. The one she sees in you is a threat to your existence, do not punish her because she can see him, she cannot betray you. An oath spoken in words can never be broken and she will give her life before she does. It is a choice she has already made, she made it before she conceived me, this I know though I do not understand it myself. It is not for me to know, or for you, but it is something you must accept even as you have much harder, more painful truths. You can do what she will ask of you, you owe her that. You will understand once you have looked into the eyes of your daughter, newly born and having no expectations of you. You will never disappoint her, you will never be to any of us what your father was to you, if I did not believe it so, I would kill you myself and you know it.* Hardly a comforting concept for Avon, but it had taken less time to convey than it took him to take a breath. He began to understand why these people preferred not to speak. He took her hand quietly.

"As long as you are certain you would not rather have someone more experienced here, I will stay with you." He did not really understand what made him say that, or why he would stay with her, but he sat on the table beside her once more.

Placing her head on his shoulder, she curled into his arms thankfully. "I may be wrong, but I trust you more than young Dayna."

Avon laughed at that. "She's older than you, Rayna" He found a comfortable position, surrounding her with both is arms and his legs. Even as huge as she appeared to him now, she was still tiny, strangely strong but delicate. He hated how good it felt to hold her and how short the time was that he could allow himself the luxury to enjoy it.

Suddenly, she began to sob, shaking as she clung to him. She stretched out a hand, splaying her fingers. He looked at her curiously. She said through tears. "The final stages have begun, from here I am helpless. Promise me, whatever happens, you will not leave me like this. You don't understand what it is to be so helpless." Her eyes begged him fearfully.

His dark eyes got darker as nightmare images passed across his thoughts, banished again as quickly as they appeared. "Yes I do." He said softly, kissing her for a long moment, or perhaps it was moments. He had allowed himself to be suspended in a temporary reality that he knew could not last, reality in its real form would find him as surely as the Federation would. He sighed, staring off into the unrealness of a moment he knew he could only live once, forever to be forgotten afterward. Eventually, her tears slowed and stopped and she fell asleep against him, tensing only slightly every few minutes as contractions came and went. Avon asked Orac quietly what it was he could expect in the next few hours and listened intently to the answer. He would indeed need to keep his head and not be squeamish he realized as he listened quietly. She was right, though, the work was hers to do and it would be considerable.   
  


*****

Kai stood in the corridor of the space station, staring across to where Liberator remained berthed. He had changed his clothing for the Felinian uniform which Giareth offered him and he accepted silently. Over the tight-fitting black jumpsuit, he wore an unadorned black cloak, reaching only to his waist fit his current rank, one of a cadet. As yet, he had no clan designation as this was passed on from father to son. On the planet below, his grandfather was to convince the Felinian counsel to accept Kai, who would be called hereafter Alavon, as was fitting to both his clan and his grandfather's. If Ranyae were successful, and he was quite certain he would be, clan Avonetha would be created with the boy and his mother as yet the only members. Giareth would cinch Ranyae's votes as he would in return for relinquishing his claim to Alarayna gain the title of Prince Regent until Kai was of age. Although the child Alarayna bore him would legally be Avon's, Giareth insisted the girl carry his clan designation in tribute. Her name would be Alarayeth and the Counsel would be aware in no uncertain terms that they were not to question it if bloodshed were to be avoided.

Beside Kai stood another cadet, much his same age, his cloak lined in bright blue. His name was Tarselea and he was Tarsia's son. *I have reviewed the modifications you have suggested and they are adequate to the projected torque for the engine revision, however, the mass is still too great to allow it to land, not to mention how it will maneuver in space.*

Kai turned to Tarselea, he was not at all accustomed to others sending to him, none of the Felinians on Dartine had, assuming he could not receive thought. It was an adjustment he would have to get used to as it was quite uncommon for Felinians to speak aloud to one another, a habit he would have to break if he was to fit in. In the conference room behind them, they could easily hear as the crew were busy squabbling among themselves obliviously.

"Tarrant." Cally said defensively. "What makes you think if he wanted to take over the computers he would not have done while Blake was on board?"

Tarrant laughed at that. "He never had a chance before to get all the systems offline at once, he could be doing anything he wants over there and don't think he could not put Zen up to lying for him, Orac does."

"Really, Tarrant." Dayna joined in. "It's just a computer, what are you worried about, that he'll lock you out of your quarters? Not that it wouldn't serve you right, you've been treating him like an anachronism."

"Have I?" Tarrant asked smugly.

"He's just jealous, Dayna." Vila offered daringly. "Pregnant or not, you can't tell me he wouldn't like to have a pretty thing like her waiting in his quarters for him. Sour grapes, that's all it is and Avon knows it." Vila smirked openly at Tarrant's feigned affront as Dayna snickered.

Trying to regain his dignity, Tarrant straightened up so that he could tower over Vila who was sitting amicably. "At least I know better than to go around screwing girls a quarter my age."

"Jealous, I tell he's just jealous." Vila said as Dayna started to giggle, stopping quite suddenly as Kai came in the door, glaring at Tarrant in an obvious effort to make him prove that size was not necessarily an advantage. Kai smiled viciously as he crossed the room to Zen's interface, checking the readout.

"If you take maturity into account at all, the difference is closer to half, but I don't see what business it is of yours, pilot." Kai said cavalierly. He grinned rather savagely. "I am quite sure Orac has come up with several inhospitable places he can leave you off if he decides you can't be of use, it's nice to have a pilot, but the ship is not designed to require one. As for the crew's safety, Zen has specific programming to ensure their safety. Isn't that right, Zen?"

/Confirmed. Crew safety is a prime consideration in all programming, any attempt to reorganize that programming would disrupt all systems beyond working capacity./

Put out, Tarrant folded his arms across his chest and addressed the impertinent child before things got out of hand. "You'll have to excuse the rest of us who don't understand computer systems nearly as well as you do, kid. I thought Avon said he was coming back as soon as he got the programs running."

Tarselea growled angrily. *I do not see why you feel you must be tolerant.* He sent to Kai, taking a knife out of his wrist sheath.

Kai put a hand quietly on Tarselea's. "Grandfather considers it beneficial to be tolerant to those less intelligent." He grinned evilly. "It is a typical human trait, they grow out of it eventually. I shall not usurp my father's responsibility for this lot as long as they do not pose an actual threat." He turned to Tarrant obligingly. "I do believe my father is enjoying the quiet over there while it lasts."

"I thought life support systems were disabled while the computers were down." Dayna asked.

"Ships systems are all down, including environmental." Kai answered. "The flight deck has been issued power via the station and though the rest of the ship will be getting quite cold, It remains human standard on the flight deck. Once we crossed the terminator into the dark side, the rest of the ship began losing it's heat. If he is smart and wants to stay warm, he'll stay on the flight deck until the station comes under the influence of Prime's sun once more, the ship's systems should be online by then anyway."

"So you think he'll stay over there until everything is finished?" Cally asked. "Can't you contact him and make sure he's okay?"

"I can contact him, but he can't send back. I don't sense anything is going on other than according to his schedule." Kai sat casually at the computer, bringing up the designs he had been working on. "Tarrant, I could use your opinion as a pilot."

Dayna glanced over his shoulder curiously. "What's that?"

"According to my calculations and Tarselea's, who is a third class engineer, certain modifications will be required to the Liberator's basic design in order for it to be fitted with hyperspace engines similar to those used by the Andromedans. The question is, is the configuration going to be maneuverable in space?"

"It's similar to the current design." Tarrant said authoritatively. "These modifications, though can't be done to the ship as it, it would have to be entirely rebuilt to ensure proper structural integrity. I did take several courses at the academy on ship design. What is the mass dispersion ratio?"

"That's the problem entirely, the ratio must be increased drastically in order to match specifications taken from alien ships." Kai answered with is own authority, daring to be questioned. "Apparently, it needs to be a perfect balance to enable them to pass through hyperspace. Rather than traveling in hyperspace, which so far we have not been able to do successfully, they travel by jumping relatively short distances through hyperspace, taking them from known point to known point in seconds. According to all the data I have put together so far, they crossed the intergalactic space in perhaps hundred of small jumps, taking them perhaps a hundred years to complete the journey."

"And you intend to try and imitate completely alien technology? You can't even be sure your assumptions are correct." Tarrant said haughtily.

Kai turned to him quite a bit more serious than a boy his age should be. "It will no doubt take several years to perfect, but it is worth trying. We must replace nearly our entire fleet anyway. In the meantime, the Federation is busy confiscating anything that can fly and converting them to war ships. Without a unified ship-building capacity, they are at severe disadvantage. One could hardly lose making the most of that weakness."

"The precise reason he will do well, Star Commander." Ranyae entered the room without ceremony, Giareth following. "He can think like them, it is an advantage we will need over the coming years, I do not think the Counsel will be disappointed in their decision."

"Yes, Majesty." Giareth commented blandly.

Ranyae smiled broadly as he took Kai's shoulder. "The Counsel has granted you the title of Prince of Felinas and heir to all my titles. When the time comes, you will be mated to a Felinian woman, she may be of your choice if you wish. Once you finish your training and if the Star Commander is pleased with you, you shall be granted the title of Sub Commander. Since progression has been allowed to skip a generation in my case and be granted through my daughter, I have made the concession that you shall hold the title of Sub Commander while the Star Commander remains your regent, you shall be heir to his titles until your sister has a son."

Kai looked at him soberly for a moment. "Meaning if I die without an heir your titles go to Giareth?"

Giareth stared at him obliquely, the edge of a threat in his voice. "Precisely and if I am killed before your sister has a son, you shall inherit my titles. It is not by far a perfect solution, but under the circumstances, it shall have to do for both our clans. Is it not your mother's time, where is she?"

Forgetting her place entirely, Dayna asked. "Didn't you say she had gone down to the planet with the others? She's not on the ship, is she?"

"She is where she belongs." Kai said calmly. "You had asked what she was doing not where she was, she was asleep. Her time has come and gone already."

Giareth, doing his best to ignore Dayna's lack of protocol, glanced at the progress Zen was displaying. "Are the repairs near to completion? The extra drain on the station for the power to the medical systems means we shall have to cut the ship loose sooner than I had anticipated."

Kai turned to him angrily. "You gave him 30 hours! The repair cycles have completed, but the corridors are still near freezing. The engine restart has to be initiated manually. Manual engine restart takes nearly an hour, you can't expect him to do that under near freezing conditions!"

"Star Commander." Ranyae said calmly. "There must be a solution better than cutting them loose five hours earlier than predicted, I expect you to find it."

Giareth examined various readouts. "Using the Giardasta's engines for extra boost, I can bring the ship into the influence of our sun, but I can still only give you another three hours. After that, it will be impossible to keep the station in its proper orbit on the fuel we have remaining."

"Zen are internal communications working?" Kai asked.

/Confirmed, all ships systems are functional, atmosphere and heating systems will commence on engine restart./

"Broadcast an advisory to begin engine restart immediately to prepare for station separation in three hours." Kai said quickly, looking over the reading of temperature and atmosphere in the lower corridors where control three was located. "Ask him to confirm the order, Zen."

/Avon advises he has only two hands and that he can either restart the engines or converse, not both./

"What's put him in a foul mood? Not that Avon needs a reason mind you." Vila stated flatly.

"He's been busy." Kai answered noncommittally.

Other than to report that engine restart had commenced, Zen had no further information on what was going on within the ship. The crew stood in the corridor and looked out at the ship as the moorings were released and it floated off on its own, apparently dead and dangerously caught by the gravitational pull of Prime. The station continued on its orbital path, leaving the Liberator behind. It took nearly an hour for the ship to disappear from view as they waited breathlessly for the orbital boosters to fire and keep the ship from sinking into the gravity well. Giareth had vowed to destroy the ship before it could enter the atmosphere and crash to the planet below. Still, no response came from the Liberator and Zen had nothing to report but that the flight deck was as yet unoccupied.

Several anxious moments passed as Giareth prepared his planetary defenses and the crew exchanged various theories on Avon's state of mind. Eventually, Zen reported initiation of the orbital boosters and before long, the ship came into view once more, completing successfully the delicate docking procedure. Avon's indelicate voice came over the communicator, almost welcomed, almost. "Anyone leaving had better get onboard. Long-range scanners indicate the Federation will begin searching this sector for us and we need to be gone before that happens."

As the rest of the crew scrambled quickly to their positions, Tarrant descended the stairs casually, saying haughtily. "You'd think after have close to a day with nothing to do by yourself, you'd be in a better mood." He stopped midway down the stairs as he noticed the securely wrapped bundle in Avon's arms. Kai pushed past him, heading for the pilot's console where Avon stood with one hand on the controls, the other hand holding firmly but gently the bundle of blankets.

Kai, with a huge smile, moved aside the blankets carefully to expose the tiny black curled head. Avon handed the bundle gratefully to Kai, saying sternly. "Don't wake her. When one wakes the other wakes and I have had quite enough of screaming to last a lifetime between your mother and them."

As Kai held the tiny infant gingerly, Cally and Dayna crowded around to look as Tarrant took his position and Avon headed for is own.

"She's beautiful." Cally said. "Did you deliver her Avon?"

"Her name is Rayvon the other one is asleep with her mother in the medical unit." Avon said shortly, ignoring the rest of her comment as being too obvious to comment on and he did not intend to share what had been an emotional experience with anyone and was in fact quite determined to forget the experience entirely. "Tarrant, standby course is set in. I take it if I can pilot the ship in here with only one hand, you can take it out with two?"

Settling pompously into his station, Tarrant regarding Avon with a cold stare of his own. "If you can play midwife, I think I can handle pulling the ship out of dock."

"You didn't really deliver babies, did you Avon?" Vila asked squeamishly.

"Certainly not, Alarayna did." He answered briskly.

Kai grinned brightly as he gently unwrapped the tiny thing. She opened her eyes barely, complaining briefly at the light. "Hello, pretty one." Kai said quietly, noting inquisitively the presence of very human ears. "Zen, decrease UVB by 30 percent please."

/Confirmed./

"I think that's better." Dayna said over his shoulder, as the lighting changed almost imperceptibly to the humans at least. She stroked the baby's cheek lightly as she opened her eyes more fully. "I don't think she'll favor you, though Avon, aside from the ears anyway. Is the other one the same? Are they identical?"

"No." Avon said curtly, staring openly at Giareth. "They both favor their mother, but they do not look alike."

None of the crew had paid particular attention when Ranyae had stated that one twin was human and one was not, Avon would not forget. Exhausted after hours of intense pain and struggle that it took to give his daughter birth, Alarayna would rather have died than to go on and deliver the second twin, insisting she lacked the energy. Avon understood particularly well what it was to lose one's mother and though he had been eight, he could not imagine the effect on not only Kai, but the fragile and tiny girl. All in all, it was entirely too much blood for his already stained soul to handle and he would not allow her to give up. He did not entirely understand what made it possible for him to share his own strength with her to allow her other daughter to be born, but he had also shared her pain in it and he was more than ready to put it behind him.

Making it an imperative to keep their location unknown to the Federation long enough for them to remain unmolested while Orac evaluated the far too common sightings of the rebel leader Blake would help and he gave himself to it. It was an entirely emotional decision and he knew it, though the others would have to believe it was self-motivated. He had set considerable ground work to make that believable and he was not about to allow it to be questioned. The alternative was unthinkable and potentially fatal, he knew that. The alien woman needed to understand that she and her children could do nothing other than hate him and whatever it took to convince them, he would do it with every bit of ruthlessness necessary. Children could and would have no place in the path he had set for his life and he was determined to make sure of it. Scanning quickly the information his console was displaying, he turned, affronted to the small cooing group around Kai.

"Kai, take her out of here before she starts to wail. Why don't you see if your mother is up yet, she's had five hours sleep, that will have to be enough, we may be fully repaired, but I would just as soon not have to put it to a test until Tarrant has had more practice."

Somewhat put off, Tarrant said as he took his place reluctantly. "Until you have decided if I'm to be put off, is that it?"

Avon glared back at him, grateful to have something to put his mind to. "We don't carry passengers, Tarrant. If you are not the pilot you like to claim to be, I for one don't intend to waste food on you."

"Raven is a pretty name, did you think of it, Avon?" Cally asked innocently, mindful that Avon was trying to switch gears rather more quickly than usual.

"Rayvon." He corrected absently. "It sounds similar, the Felinians have their own methods of naming. It has to do with clan designation in accedence and descendence, it's all very complicated but it means something to them. Zen, report our projected course to the station. We shall cross your crimson line in 30 hours, I take it that is acceptable." Avon said to Giareth, skillfully changing the subject back once again.

"I do think I will lead those Federation scout ships on a bit of a chase, just so they know they're not welcome in my space." Giareth replied coolly.

Cally had come around to stand at Avon's elbow as Kai left for the medical unit. "Why be in such a hurry, Avon, if they are on long range they are still a ways off, we'll be long gone by the time they get close." She watched his face intently and purposefully. "What is her twin's name?"

Determined to remain stoic, Avon answered curtly. "We cannot afford to stay anywhere too long, that fact has not changed. We cannot afford to rely to heavily on our speed either. I do not intend to carry on this game of baiting the Federation and running away, we need to have more thoughtful and profitable reasons for risking our necks. I think we all agree on that."

A perfectly reasonable answer, Cally did not intend to let him off that easily, she remained where she was until he answered her question completely.

With obvious distaste, Avon muttered obligingly. "Alarayeth.." The shadow of a satisfied smiled passed the Star Commander's face almost too quickly to be registered as Darien came down the stairs with the child in question settled securely in his arms.

"All indications are that they are both perfectly healthy if a little small." Darien reported authoritatively. "They should gain quickly with their mother's milk. Alarayna is exhausted still, but there are facilities on the station where she can rest up some more, she'll be okay."

Avon nodded blandly, refusing to even look at child Darien carried, her shimmering red curls standing out boldly against the blanket her mother had managed to wrap her in before giving in to exhausted sleep.

With Kai in tow, still marveling over his tiny sister, Alarayna walked up quietly beside Avon. "I'm dismissed, it that it?" She said harshly. Looking up into his eyes, she sent silently. *Is that you wanted me to live or that you could not bear me to die?* She dared him silently to respond, reaching out to steady herself against the console.

Acutely aware of who and how intently they watched, Avon grabbed her arm roughly and pulled her closer. "Does it matter?" He said bitterly, kissing her possessively. "I have other considerations, Alarayna, you know that."

Not to be put off, she answered him boldly, fatigue edging her voice. "What I know is that what you pursue so intently will get you killed."

He smiled evilly. "Something has to."

"Don't expect me to waste tears when you're gone." She spun around and left precipitously, holding back the angry tears she knew would have no effect anyway.

"I don't." He said sharply, watching as the Felinians left for the familiarity of the station, his son and daughter with them where they would have to stay a far corner of the galaxy rarely crossed and never entered. Unless it was his imagination, he could hear the port entry doors close with a resounding finality. "Take us out of here, Tarrant."


End file.
